My poor puppy....R.I.P. Abby..
April 5, 1993 - March 30, 2007
Saturday, March 31, 2007
Saturday, March 17, 2007
11:24pm
What do you do, when someone youve known your entire life, turns out to be someone completely different then who you thought they were?
I have said, a million times, that as much as you know someone, you never REALLY know everything about them. I live by it...i swear by it. And it has constantly been the right advice to myself.
Turns out, someone I know, VERY we...let me rephrase, someone I THOUGHT i knew well, has been a coke addict for the past 2 years....he's broke up with his fiance, and moved in with his parents.
Now, the social service worker in me, says "Okay PP, you've done this a million times. Coke, no problem. Lets look at our options, and resources available." And once the persons been councelled, and spoken to...and supported *not to keep doing coke, but a supportive friendly ear*, they move on their way, and you can take them by the hand, but you can only lead them so far.....
However, this time, its someone that I know, and totally love and care about. Im having trouble processing that concept in my brain. XXX is a coke addict.....I can say the words, but Its not registering. How is this possible??? I ve seen this person at least 100 times in the past 2 years. How did I not SEE it....I do realize that I am not perfect, and that I didnt see it, becuase it wasnt something that I was looking for. I never would have thought to look for it.
Now, again, the SS worker in me pipes up and says "PP...at least he's come forward about it. Hes said something, which is always the hardest step. He could have not said anything, and found himself in jail eventually...cause thats where he would have wound up. But he's talking about it, which is a positive step towards recovery...It will still be a LONG road, but at least hes facing the right direction."
And then, i think about who it is, and I feel completely helpless....and lost...and think that no matter how good I am at my job, Ive always been able to detach. I cant detach from this person. Im stuck with them....and in that realization, my entire sense of what is real, has come crashing down around me.....and im staring at the peices thinking "What the fuck do we do now??"
I have said, a million times, that as much as you know someone, you never REALLY know everything about them. I live by it...i swear by it. And it has constantly been the right advice to myself.
Turns out, someone I know, VERY we...let me rephrase, someone I THOUGHT i knew well, has been a coke addict for the past 2 years....he's broke up with his fiance, and moved in with his parents.
Now, the social service worker in me, says "Okay PP, you've done this a million times. Coke, no problem. Lets look at our options, and resources available." And once the persons been councelled, and spoken to...and supported *not to keep doing coke, but a supportive friendly ear*, they move on their way, and you can take them by the hand, but you can only lead them so far.....
However, this time, its someone that I know, and totally love and care about. Im having trouble processing that concept in my brain. XXX is a coke addict.....I can say the words, but Its not registering. How is this possible??? I ve seen this person at least 100 times in the past 2 years. How did I not SEE it....I do realize that I am not perfect, and that I didnt see it, becuase it wasnt something that I was looking for. I never would have thought to look for it.
Now, again, the SS worker in me pipes up and says "PP...at least he's come forward about it. Hes said something, which is always the hardest step. He could have not said anything, and found himself in jail eventually...cause thats where he would have wound up. But he's talking about it, which is a positive step towards recovery...It will still be a LONG road, but at least hes facing the right direction."
And then, i think about who it is, and I feel completely helpless....and lost...and think that no matter how good I am at my job, Ive always been able to detach. I cant detach from this person. Im stuck with them....and in that realization, my entire sense of what is real, has come crashing down around me.....and im staring at the peices thinking "What the fuck do we do now??"
Monday, March 12, 2007
Holy shit...i can breathe
I survived my first placement....barely. And just in time too....I'm feeling very out of touch with everyone.
And now I get two weeks off...well, not off from working, but off from school.
It feels nice to not have anything to do, considering I was SO busy, but Saturday was the first time that I was able to go to work with no homework, or no lesson planning since September. I have to admit...i was a little bored. Aside from doing my job, and being crazy busy while I was there, in the moments when the crisis lines werent ringing, or people werent wanting things...i was bored. Those were the minutes that I filled up with marking, or making tests.
But I have a few things planned for my time off.
- I'm going to watch the last two weeks worth of episodes of the Amazing Race that I never had time to watch over the past 8 days.
- Im going to organize my life, and sort out all the shit that I didnt get to do for the past 7 weeks.
- I'm going to find a pair of shoes to wear to my friends wedding, and get my dress altered.
- Im going to finish up my last asignment for my administrater at the college about this past placement.
- i'm going to BC and Seattle....I CANT WAIT. I know I vacationed less than a year ago, but it feels like its been 5 years since we all went to Vegas. I'm going to visit my lovely and dear friend Howie who lives out there. He would like to take a roadie to Seattle, I said "Of course"...*first starbucks ever...mmmm*
I have already been to BC before, so I know what Im in store for, but ive never been to seattle...so any of you out there, who might have gone, or live there, let me know what's FANTASTIC and a total "cant miss" of the city. We're only there for the day.
I cant wait...I havent seen the ocean in a year and a half....its been way too long.
And now I get two weeks off...well, not off from working, but off from school.
It feels nice to not have anything to do, considering I was SO busy, but Saturday was the first time that I was able to go to work with no homework, or no lesson planning since September. I have to admit...i was a little bored. Aside from doing my job, and being crazy busy while I was there, in the moments when the crisis lines werent ringing, or people werent wanting things...i was bored. Those were the minutes that I filled up with marking, or making tests.
But I have a few things planned for my time off.
- I'm going to watch the last two weeks worth of episodes of the Amazing Race that I never had time to watch over the past 8 days.
- Im going to organize my life, and sort out all the shit that I didnt get to do for the past 7 weeks.
- I'm going to find a pair of shoes to wear to my friends wedding, and get my dress altered.
- Im going to finish up my last asignment for my administrater at the college about this past placement.
- i'm going to BC and Seattle....I CANT WAIT. I know I vacationed less than a year ago, but it feels like its been 5 years since we all went to Vegas. I'm going to visit my lovely and dear friend Howie who lives out there. He would like to take a roadie to Seattle, I said "Of course"...*first starbucks ever...mmmm*
I have already been to BC before, so I know what Im in store for, but ive never been to seattle...so any of you out there, who might have gone, or live there, let me know what's FANTASTIC and a total "cant miss" of the city. We're only there for the day.
I cant wait...I havent seen the ocean in a year and a half....its been way too long.
Thursday, March 01, 2007
So close to the end.....
So Im just about 6 school days from the end of my placement, and trust me...it cant come soon enough.
I find that im a lot grouchier doing this placement....im not getting along with the teacher all that well, as she is a control freak, and has a tough time letting go of having to dominate every aspect of the classroom. She offers no direction, and very little suggestion. Which doesnt help if I have no clue what im doing. And when I find that i ask her for a suggestion, she only says "good luck with that"....
She is also very sarcastic, which I can appreciate....except she's mean about being sarcastic. So, besides all of that, and only having 6 days of that classroom left, Im very excited about moving on.
I have had a lot of time to think about whether or not I would want to teach after this....but a few things have come up.
Im not a fan of having such a fixed schedule....its a little odd, becuase im not used to it. And having summers off is starting to look less appealing....I like being able to take time off when ever I want to. Im missing a lot of fun things that my friends are doing, that I would rather do....However, I know that I have to get through all of this so that I can travel.....I just need a break.....im too grouchy lately.
I find that im a lot grouchier doing this placement....im not getting along with the teacher all that well, as she is a control freak, and has a tough time letting go of having to dominate every aspect of the classroom. She offers no direction, and very little suggestion. Which doesnt help if I have no clue what im doing. And when I find that i ask her for a suggestion, she only says "good luck with that"....
She is also very sarcastic, which I can appreciate....except she's mean about being sarcastic. So, besides all of that, and only having 6 days of that classroom left, Im very excited about moving on.
I have had a lot of time to think about whether or not I would want to teach after this....but a few things have come up.
Im not a fan of having such a fixed schedule....its a little odd, becuase im not used to it. And having summers off is starting to look less appealing....I like being able to take time off when ever I want to. Im missing a lot of fun things that my friends are doing, that I would rather do....However, I know that I have to get through all of this so that I can travel.....I just need a break.....im too grouchy lately.
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