Friday, July 29, 2005

Reality is a harsh, bitter pill...

I've made a mistake....I've fucked something up, and it's all my fault.

Have any of you, my faithful readers, been involved with someone who you just COULDNT be good for, no matter what you did? No matter how hard you tried, you just couldnt change matter HOW good they were for you, you convinced yourself it wouldnt work, and because you love self fulfilling prophecies, it didnt? Well...that's whats happened to me.

It has been ongoing....2 years almost......2 years of the utmost happiness and joy, 2 years of hell, 2 years of laughing and great times, 2 years of tears. Today was the end of it's over. I made SO many many hurts to think of how badly I hurt someone else. It hurts to think of how I fucked up....and Yes, it was my fault. I know the mistakes I made, REGARDLESS of how I never admit them, I know what they were. I know that I fucked up, and I know that today was my fault.

I wish to god *or whoever's out there that people wish to* that I could have learned to listen with my heart.....I learned to trust...I learned to accept....I learned to believe. And that was the hardest lesson of all....with SO many people telling me too many things, I wasnt ever able to make up my OWN mind....I wasnt able to ever really come to a decision by myself, because I was TOO influenced by other people's rumors.

I thought TOO much, I analyzed too much, I weighed my options, and always kept one foot out the door, and never commit myself to anything. It's the safest self defense mechanism that I have....keep your foot out the door, and your head facing forward, because If you hurt me, I can run as fast as I can....and if I never really look at you, I dont have to see how hurt you are....or how much I hurt you.

And after today.....after this...after the conversation, I wish I could take it all back, and start over again. I wish I had you the same way I had you 2 years ago....but...but but but....I KNOW that the reason I dont, is me. Its my fault I shut my heart off to you.

If I listened with my heart, i'd understand that everything you said, was right....and that you loved me as much as you said you did...and still do....

I love you so much, I wish I could have been better for you.

No Sucka M.C.'s

A man was advertising a particularily nice sounding apartment in Cabbagetown, in which the add STRICTLY stated "No Sucka M.C.'s"

And being the curious person that I am, called to find out what a "sucka m.c." infact was.

So....Websters.....get on publishing your NEW edition, a "Sucka M.C." is an idiot....

Enough said

Dead Man's Cove

When you live on the water, you enjoy loads of special priviledges in life. Water sports, suntanning on the dock, kayaking, canoeing, paddle boats.....Oh yes, and the occassional dead body.

As of yesterday, a dead beaver has found a home in the alcove of our shoreline behind our house and down the embankment.....and, as ALL decomposition fans know, water makes any body deteriorate TWICE as fast.....which of course, when it's 95 degrees outside, smells FABULOUS!!!

After calling the humane society, LAST NIGHT, they agreed that it would be better if they came to get it becuase they like to do testing on the animals. HOWEVER, after the humane society turned out to be a no show last night, I decided to call again today, because the smell has become TWICE as captivating.

Apparently we're "on their list" for today's we've been hanging out, getting ready for the long weekend, we look outside to find TWO vultures swooping down our embankment to feast on whatever remains of that unfortunate beaver. This was the point that I called the humane society back. COME ON right? Not only is the air now thick with the smell of rotting flesh, it's got ravenous vultures......Who wants to come visit this weekend?

The humane society could not commit to coming to get rid of the beaver today, so I said we'd get rid of it ourselves....and they said that was fine. My dad wanted to get one of the oars to the kayak and push it over to the neighbors house.....The current will catch it, and take it somewhere else....the beaver AND the vultures will be someone else's problem. LOL

And if you think the beaver was bad.....wait one day...i'll tell you about the dead dog, dead deer, AND dead man that found comfort in our backyard.....Dead Man's Cove...can you EVEN imagine what a waterlogged rotting beaver carcas smells like???

Thursday, July 28, 2005


So I went to the Casino tonight for a supposedly "Shi Shi" dinner of crab and whatever......Ya ya, we went to the casino for dinner...i know, it's TOTALLY cliche, but how much fun is it to go and watch all the grouchy people who've lost all their money, and decide that crab and chocolate ice cream heals all wounds.

Anyway, we end up going for was fun, our waitress was SOOOOO happy and excited to be there...more excited than we were I think. After dinner I totally wanted to play slots because i'm a Price is Right slot machine junkie....You get to play PLINKO people...PLINKO! I digress, I throw my $20 in the machine, and play like 3 times, and then stupidly, I push MAX BET *not even realizing that 9 quarters IS NOT the max bet* and I ended up betting FORTY FIVE quarters in one fucking spin....that's right people $11.25.

Now, those of you who are good at Math and all, will notice that i spent more than HALF of my money in ONE fucking spin...THAT pissed me off.....and plus, I had already played 21 of my quarters.....45+21=66......of 20 bucks, you only get 80 quarters. SO needless to say, I spent 20 bucks inside of a minute...which pissed me off, so of course, as ALL addictive personality people do, I put in another $10....and subsequently lost that as well. I hate the Casino.....and i'm not gambling ANYMORE. Fuck Plinko.....fuck it I say.

So I left the casino, full of crab, 30 dollars less in my wallet, and my hands smelling like fucking Sea World....But at least the parking was free.....there it is...The silver lining.....

Good times, Good food, GREAT company and good ice cream....but i'll never see that $30 dollars again...*sigh*

My first Blog

On the day of my first blog....the birth of my mindchild, I was going to bitch...bitch about life, love, guys, and anything else in life that I could turn into a negative *and for those of you who know me, that's SO easy*....however, on going back and rereading Millhouse's first blog, I've changed my mind.....he has some pretty nice shit to for today, my first day in the blogging world...i'll let you all go with a warning.

This is a place of bitching...this is a place of hard times, and the freakshow that encompasses my life. So...we bitch here. We complain a bunch of girls sitting around eating Fattenting desserts complaining about men. Tickling and pillow fights are usually after this. LOL

Thats why I started this blog you know, becuase a load of things piss me off. And i'm generally a very positive person, i believe firmly in happy endings and silver linings, BUT....but but but.....
there are a lot of things that fucking PISS me off.....and this is what my blog is for.....being pissed off...and for you, my faithful reader, to be pissed off too. Think of this as therapy for the finanically challenged.

......We'll feed on inconsistancies, and low towlerance levels in life.....Doesnt that sound FUN???

Consider today your get out of jail free card.....because from this day forward, I'm not being nice anymore.