A question.....

So I was out at Chapters last night, looking around, and I found myself, as I so usually do, in the self-help section.

Not because I buy self help books, but because I buy books about abuse, addiction, mental health, and self injurious behaviors for work. *These are the books I consider "Light reading" and take on my vacations. LOL!!!*

Im flipping through an interesting book about teens who cut themselves, and ways to help them, deciding whether or not to buy it, and there's a loud crash to my left. I look over but since its another tall book shelf, I cant see anything....except all of the Post Secret books which are almost directly in my line of vision.

I put down the book that Im reading about cutting, and pick up a post secret book. I have so often read about people leaving secrets in the books that for one second, I consider the possibility of there being a secret in the book i'm holding, or any of the books on the shelves.

I flip through my book, and in between the pages, there's a secret written in blue pencil crayon. Thing is, they also attached their email address....and I recognized it. I know the person who has left their secret in the book. And infact, she is a friend of mine on facebook.

And I cant help but feel that its almost an invasion of privacy, to know the person who left a secret for a stranger to find....but it presents me an opportunity to discuss an event that is coming up in her life, that we all know about.

I put that book down, and picked up another. And then another and then another, until I had gone through all of the books there. I found three secrets in total. Email addresses attached, phone numbers attached....

So I ask you...do you ever look through the post secret books to see whats been left behind...solely for the person who finds it?

So Long Sucky Dead End Niagara, Hello Land of Opportunity Toronto!!!

I got both jobs that I interviewed for.

I dont even want to stay on as relief in my place that I am now. Its not worth it. All the bullshit and trouble that they caused me. They can fuck themselves for all I care. Seriously.

Time to move on completely and start a new chapter in my life. And I couldnt be more excited.

Waiting with baited breath....

I HATE applying for jobs.

Well...I dont HATE it, but I hate the aftermath, and waiting around for them to call you back.

I had a second interview at a pretty good agency downtown toronto the 10th of October, and after my first interview they loved me so much they called me 10 minutes after I left the office and said "we know we have other interviews, but we're already asking you to come back."

So I went...they said I would hear by the 17th. I didnt.

I said "If I dont hear by the end of monday i'll call tuesday after work and ask them if they've made a decision about the job as of yet."

I was working today 6:30am-3pm....I was literally driving home to call them, and on google to look up their number, and I decided to check my voicemail first. There was a message from HR "This is so and so calling from such and such. Could you please call me back?"

IS THIS GOOD??? I mean, I called back, and left my number...but that was a half hour ago. Im desperate to hear something...

I mean, is it protocol for agencies if you get the job, to leave it on your answering machine? Or even if you get the job, do they ask you to call?

Im paralleling it to the doctors office. When they ask you to call them back, its never good.....BAH. NOW I have to wait, maybe until tomorrow!!! I just want to know. I really want this job, and would do really well at this job. I just HATE this waiting bit of it. BOOOOOOOO.

...i mean it. Im back...for real.

Ive been posting again for approximately 10 days....and its gotten me nowhere. unfortunately, people probably dont read my blog anymore.

I "Next blogged" myself through an hour of the day today, and found that only 3 of all of the blogs that I saw, were in English.

Im not racist, and have no opposition to people from other cultures having blogs...but if i'm trying to build up a new fan base, instead of just reclaiming my regular readers, I would like to be able to READ their blog as well. And unfortunately, besides, some Italian, and some basic french...im pretty much screwed when it comes to reading other languages.

...although..there was that whole esperanto ordeal...but lets not get into that.

So, i'll continue to post and revisit my own list of blogs that I used to read in the hopes that they recognize that my commitment is official.

Im here people..for real. In my own little corner of the universe tyring to reestablish myself on blogger

(Note - instead of blogger, I wrote globber - a typo, but hilariously funnier than the official name of blogger)

...reconsidering life....

As a social worker, I respect the confines of confidentiality immensely, but in this instance, i find myself torn.

An old student of mine, has committed murder. A student that I worked with very closely for a year. He was diagnosed with Autism, and was living at the Kolburne School, in MA while I worked there.

A totally quiet 18 year old....and by quiet, i mean not a word above Whisper. When I spoke to him, I had to hold my breath for his answer because if I breathed to sharply, i'd miss it. Ive received this article from my old boss, and friend Jen, who sent it out to me to keep my posted. I remember Ben fondly....I remember sitting at the night shift desk, watching him sway around his room to Michelle Branch. He was never in a restraint, never a problem. He was always happy to do anything that you asked, and never EVER lead me to think that he was capable of such things.

He aged out of the mental health facility that I worked at, and was taking part in another. Im sure if you're curious enough to find the articles online, ive given you enough information to do so. He stabbed a stranger to death, and then called the police on himself saying how angry he was.....

He was diagnosed with autism....Ive just been offered a job working again with autistic children...And with this knowledge, I'm starting to think "whats the fucking point". Im not personalizing this at all, and I know that I did my best with this client, and that his behavior has NOTHING to do with me, or any of the staff that I worked with...but seriously. Wheres the point in my job, when this is what I have to look forward to after working with a client.

I know I know, this isnt the case for everyone...and I cant help but think "is there always a margin of error for these types of things? Is this something that is unavoidable, no matter how much you work with the client? Is there always a 5% margin of error."

I never saw any signs that would ever give way to this..and I payed the closest attention to my 10 boys in that house. Its what they paid me for really. I just cant wrap my head around it. How did the system fail him? What programming DIDNT he get? Was his medication to blame? How did this happen?.....

Questions im sure will keep me up the next few nights. Ive got emails out to everyone I worked with at Kolburne...wondering how the mood is there, and how they're coping with it....im hoping that they can come up with some answers, becuase I cant.

And in reading this article, all I can do is think back to the faint whispered answers of this 18 year old boy....and then I think about his voice when he called the police on himself...whispering what he'd done. He'll be on trial....whispering the details....the whole courtroom will have to wait with baited breath as he recounts the details of that day.

....Im hoping that wont happen. Im hoping that he's found his voice since the last time i'd seen him...but after finding this out today...and seeing the picture of him *the picture was the worst part of it*....i dont know what to think anymore.

PP is gonna make it afterall!!! *Insert Laverne and Shirley theme song here*

OMG!!! Its been SEVEN MONTHS since I posted!!!

I was out for lunch with Miss Ash, who threatened to delete me from her blog roll, and since that is more unspeakable than being deleted off facebook, I decided to take some action and get my ass in gear! So...here I am.

The past 7 months for me have been all work and ZERO play. Literally. I mean like working 8-10 days in a row. I never went anywhere, I never did anything exciting...I had the dullest existence in the past 7 months that you should all be thanking me for not having posted. I spared you the boredom of having to read "I worked 7 days in a row again...nothing to report".

BUT NOW....now my dears, I have taken the most significant step *besides doing my masters, and degrees and shit like that*.....to date. In my 30 years of life.

I moved to Toronto.

Im hoping that this will be the beginning of a wonderful list of new adventures for me.

I took posession of my place on the 13th, and have been back and forth a few times, But seeing as I worked almost everyday since the 13th, I OFFICIALLY moved here on the 1st.

On the month before moving to Toronto, I applied for 100 jobs. literally. Maybe more. I stopped counting. I got a few call backs. Had an interview yesterday, and one today *that Miss Ash helped me prepare for over sushi! MMMMMMMM*

I went to my interview yesterday, and then to a very exciting mall which was across the street. the interview was 3 hours, DREADFUL! But after I left, they called my references right on the spot, and called me within 2 hours to offer me the job. They dont fuck around here...not like in Niagara where you wait a month to hear anything.

So ive accepted the new position, which is working with Autisic kids. But in the mean time, im shopping at the fancy mall, and happen to stop into Williams Sonoma. The manager comes to me and says

WS"Oh, are you dominique?" *I am not her. Not currently anyway. LOL*
Me: No
WS: Oh you look like you're here for an interview.
Me: Actually, I just had one
WS: Are you looking for a job?
Me: I just moved here yesterday
WS: We're hiring....

And then proceeds to offer me a job. *Part time during the holidays....and its not like I need the cash, but ive NEVER had a job that I didnt have to think about. I've only EVER had a job in social services. I never worked a regular job as a kid...my mom owned her company.

So im thinking about it...and anyone who's ever been there, knows how expensive it is. The discount will come in HUGE this year if I decide to take it. But I have my most exciting interview at 1 today. Im leaving in about 45 minutes and should be getting ready, in terms of preparation. Which I feel ready...but reviewing never hurts.

So this is it. My triumphant Return to blogging...which I promise. Will be better than Britneys return to singing.

***UPDATE: My interview went great, and they called me 20 minutes after I left to book my second interview! This city is GREAT for social work...i should have moved here years ago