Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Ummm...Where's the outlet for my hair dryer???

Thats it...its official. We're stepping out of the box...we're being brave, and adventurous, we're taking on the elements??? Oh god..we're going to the Grand Canyon.

As many of you know, we have a wedding to go to in Vegas. About a year ago, maybe more, I started talking about the grand canyon, and how fun it would be to get a bunch of us together, and go just to say that we've been. Of course, everyone has travel plans of their own, and the GC gets bumped to the bottom of the list. However, when Vegas came up, the GC plans took priority!!

I booked the car yesterday...and spread the word. We know it's a 6 hour drive....each way....sigh...BUT, if Jenni's really planning on burying a body in the desert, and playing CSI, this is going to be the easiest way to do it.

Of the 5 people going, we represent a variety of attitudes that will make this adventure that much more fun...but in an attempt to divulge a bit more about myself, to you, my dearest reader, I feel that I must be completely honest in this matter.

I HATE Nature.

Ive never been camping, ive never even slept in my yard in a tent. I have not once, in my life ever slept outside of a house/hotel and bed. That doesnt mean i'm high maintenance, it just means that I enjoy the comforts of electricity, and running water, in a bathroom, that has a door that closes. Dont get me wrong, I LOVE hiking and rock climbing, and am sure that I would love white water rafting....but the majority of my hiking has happened in a quasi-controlled area, in the gorge, on the Niagara Parkway. I dont worry about the things that are lurking down there, at best, maybe a chipmunk, and bunny....but those are the biggest threats. Plus ive hiked there a million times...so I know what i'm up against.

Ive known the people im taking this trip with, for a long LOOOONG time, and feel safe in saying a few things, on their behalf. Lets go down the list...shall we?

DAWN: ALSO hates nature, and confessed to me, that if she sees a snake, scorpion, or any other menacing looking creature, she will not hesitate to jump on the person closest to her in fear of her life. **Make a mental note people...Dawn is planning on using you as a human shield, do not, under any circumstances, walk beside her.

Miss ASH: Doesnt hate nature to the extent that we do, she's city, but flexible...she also enjoys a good hike, and has a sense of adventure like no one else.. She does, however, hate DIRT. Oh...its true. She hates dirt....she ALSO hates getting her clothes wet...which I dont blame her, and as long as its not raining, we're okay there.

JENNIFER: A real trooper!! She's city for sure, but can make the transition easily to "whatever" and thank god shes going...becuase when i wipe out, in the grand canyon, and land on a rattle snake....she'll be already prepared with the anti-venom, and med-evac waiting on standby.

**UPDATE: Jennifer has commented that she will also jump on someone else to save herself. So, we resolve to let Dawn and Jenni to walk beside one another, and let them scramble for it. Oh god...what a comedy of errors we are....

NATHAN: What can I say? Give the guy a toothpick and a bowling ball, and he can last out there for a year, plus build you shelter, find food, learn to talk to the animals, and make friends with the local cannibals. Nathan is our own "Survivor" meets "Cast Away"

We run on a scale really....that looks something like this

|--|---------------|---|--------|
Me Dawn. . . . .Ash Jenni Nathan


With of course, me and dawn being the most leery of nature....And everyone getting progressivly stronger and more adaptable as we go. However, notice the distance between Dawn and Ash? I did that on purpose. We all have our own sense of adventure in certain degrees. We are all flexible...we all love adventure. I just know myself....And of the 5 of us going, if we happened to get stuck out there, for any reason, i'd DEFINITELY die first.

I'm not saying that I dont want to go...I TOTALLY do. Its just....LOL...well...its going to be interesting to say the least....

54 comments:

Jennifer said...

I'm with Dawn on the jumping-on-someone-else front. When Aaron and I were in Banff National Park I had read every pamphlet the Canadian Government had put out about bear encounters, and I was really really clinging to the idea that I didn't have to outrun the bear, I only had to outrun Aaron. Survival of the fittest bitches!

Anyway, Dawn needn't worry too much about scorpions or rattle snakes. Scorpions can certainly hurt you with their sting, but, I'm told, it's not usually lethal, and rattle snakes can do some serious damage, but their striking distance when they are coiled up to bite you is very short.

Besides, we are all going to bring a pair of comfortable shoes, that aren't sandals and cover the ankle, right? And some jeans? Right?

As for who would die first, I like to think of it in terms of who would be voted off the island first.

Scott said...

Have yourself a great time on the trip. I am jealous!!

Scott

Princess Pessimism said...

Jennifer - ohh...i feel thats worthy of an update.

Scott - Thanks! I'm sure we will

Jennifer said...

If I have to walk next to Dawn, and I try to jump on her she won't be able to hold up my weight though. This is a problem. I'm going to jump on PP, like Jada Pinkett.

slopmaster said...

Trust me, you'll want to go, and you'll be happy you did. You may even find God out there.

quick tip: Bring water, a camera, a CANE, some food and almost nothing else. You want very little with you, trust me.

Can't wait to hear about it. It'll be a great honeymoon.

Princess Pessimism said...

Jennifer - Screw you..no ones jumping on me..i have enough trouble walking by myself.

Slop - OHHH right. Honeymoom...I forgot about that. Our shotgun vegas wedding...I dont know if i'll find god out there, but im definitely interested in looking for some cheap silver and turquoise jewelry. I trust you...thanks for the tips

Jennifer said...

What is it with Americans and finding God/Jesus and joining crazy religions. If anyone finds anything out there it will probably be a case of heat/sun stroke and we'll spend 6 hours in the car on the way back ensuring that they think that too.
No more of my friends are going to the US and finding Jesus this year, and that's final.

Princess Pessimism said...

Jenni - I agree. The LAST thing i'm looking for, is God..in a place they call "Sin City" LOL!!!

Jennifer said...

I might find Elvis though... that would be pretty awesome.

rawbean said...

I'm sure there will be some great outlet malls on the way to the GC!

I would be the one to die as well if it makes you feel any better :)

Lindsey said...

You're going to have a blast. Camping is fun.

I'm from Az (and miss it terribly). there will definetly be dirt and most certainly there will be scorpions and snakes.

Bit of advice: NEVER EVER pick up a rock or stick. You must kick it over first to ensure that there is no scorpion or snake hiding beneath it.

Also make sure you check your sleeping bags, socks and shoes before use. Things have a tendency to crawl inside if you're not careful.

I'm not trying to scare you...I'm just being practical. We spent many many many weekends camping in the Arizona desert when I was younger.

Princess Pessimism said...

Jennifer - LOL...Ya. He's singing at the wedding...

Rawbean - OOOOO you got a new picture.
It actually does make me feel a bit better, i hate thinking that im the only one whos a disaster.

Princess Pessimism said...

Linny - Ohhhh..we're not going camping. LOL!!! If they want to sleep outside, i'll drive back to the hotel, while they hang out under the stars.

Good adivce about kicking the rocks and stuff. However, i dont plan on kicking anything, becuase that might startle the things living underneath it....

Heather said...

That sounds like fun. I will be braving the elements inside the various casinos, which I'm sure is much more treacherous.

Sexy Suburbanite said...

I've never been to the GC but I think there are some pretty well-travelled paths. I watched a Travel Channel special on it and I think you can totally get by without being too, too "nature-y." It sounds fun though. Can't wait to hear about it!

Trib said...

Sounds like you guys will have a great time. Just remember water. I was in Texas last summer and I was drinking 10L a day. You may or may not see a snake, but if you aren't careful you will get dehydrated.

Oh and post pictures afterward!

Princess Pessimism said...

Heather - OHHH....you have all those casino junkies to deal with, we only have poisonous critters to deal with.

S.Subs - Uhhh...we were hoping there were paved trails..but its probably wishful thinking

Trib - You are very right. Jenni is right on that, and we'll all make sure that we have the right supplies

Liz said...

HAHAHa I'm sure you will have a blast.

A 6 hour drive is nothing. That doesn't even get out of the state here. :(

Miss Ash said...

If it's lightning and thundering i'm not going LOL.

I will bring my runners, though i'm not sure i'm keen on hiking in jeans like Jennifer seems to be. I was thinking more of a comfy pair of capris and a t-shirt.

I have this bag i bought in Switzerland and have never used it. It's like a small stylish backpack bag. I should bring it to put my water in cause i drink like a fish. Bring your own bags :P

Princess Pessimism said...

Miss Ash - OHHHH Thats a good Idea. I have that swiss army backpack. The huge one, with the small one attached to it. I'll bring that. i never even would have thought of it....

I'll SHARE my back pack...

Natalia said...

It's funny cause I am totally city. But I love nature. It doesn't have to be a dichotomy. I can take nature only for so long, though. But it is also true that sometimes a break from the city is nice. Like that whole canoeing thing...still within sity limits but it seemed like we were out in no man's land. Ahhhh :)

-N

Miss Ash said...

I don't particularily like to share. As well, i'd rather not be hiking and carrying water for 4 other people, i'd imagine it would get heavy. I'd rather enjoy myself.

Dawn said...

I wish I could say that I was only joking about jumping on the nearest party but I was not...if I see any such critter I will be crying and screaming like a little girl and all of those who know me know that's true. As for what to wear jeans in the middle of the desert in the afternoon might be a bit warm.

Princess Pessimism said...

Natalia - Ya..see, my parents live on the water, and I go kayaking there. Thats enough nature for me...i saw a beaver. Then I turned around and went home...

Miss Ash - OHH TOTALLY. Im not carrying ANYONES water on the hike. Im carrying one bottle, in my hand...just incase I have to throw it at something to get away from it

Dawn - I agree, no jeans in the desert. And as for the crying and screaming...Thats what im bringing the water bottle for *aside from drinking*...to use as a weapon, or diversion tactic...cause i'll be crying and screaming right behind you.

Jennifer said...

I'm going in the opposite direction from you lot when we get there. I don't want to be around for all the crying and screaming. And the exposed ankles and calves.

Princess Pessimism said...

Jenni - YOU CANT!!! Who will save me with the anti-venom when i fall on the rattlesnake??? Do Ash or Dawn even know how to get med-evac on standby??? At the GC, you wont be able to lose me even if you die trying.

yrautca said...

I wish you guys had made this plan after my may 16 exam. I would have loved to meet me 3 future canadian wives.

Princess Pessimism said...

Yrautca - Sorry...we cant decide when our friends get married....they set the date, not us

Phil said...

Have you discussed with your comrades whether or not they get to eat you if you die first. Don't go wandering off like Bobby and Cindy did in the Grand Canyon. BTW, try to smuggle something crazy like a live monkey in a tutu through the security screeners at the Vegas airport, My brother is one of them. I'd love to hear the story. Princess, if you're still feeling lonely I'm pretty sure I can hook you up with a cavity search.

Princess Pessimism said...

Phil - OHHH LOL!!! I wasnt planning on trying to smuggle a live monkey in a tutu...but I WAS planning on stuffing Jenni's suitcase full of milk bones for the drug sniffing dogs...LOL!!!

berly02 said...

I am sooooo jealous. I love camping/nature. As long as it doesn't attack me. Your trip is gonna be so fun.

Miss Ash said...

My hygenist just got back from Vegas she goes every year. She gave me a few pamphlets and suggested we ride the Deuce. It's a double decker bus that costs $5 for a whole day and goes up and down the strip. The monorail is $15 a day. She also suggested Fremont St. for cheap booze and 99 cent shrimp cocktail LOL.

Princess Pessimism said...

Berly - LOL!!! Ya, im with you on the idea that nature shouldnt attack me.

Ash - See, now that we're talking about vegas and the GC, people are suggesting places to me as well....but no pamphlets. LOL

Jennifer said...

I wouldn't advise anyone eating me, I ate British beef before they clamped down on Mad Cow disease. In fact, I ate British beef on my aunt's farm where they had part of their herd culled.
Go ahead and eat me, I guess, but I can't be responsible for whatever prion diseases you get as a result.

Miss Ash said...

I don't particularily like to eat fat.....so i won't partake in eating Jennfier should the need arise :)

hahahaha

Princess Pessimism said...

MISS ASH!!!! THAT brought tears to my eyes!!!!!

Jennifer said...

Oh man, I was going to say that I'd eat you first Ash, because you'd feed the most people for the longest... but I didn't because I'm nice.

I forgot you don't like fat, that must be why you avoid Pizza Pizza, Taco Bell, the buffet at the Golden Griddle, Red Lobster with your pounds of crab dipped in butter sauce, all you can eat deep fried crap at the Mandarin...
oh wait, you don't avoid those things at all do... I'm so confused!

Jennifer said...

You'd think I'd be insulted by what Ash said, but in actuality, I'm a bit relieved.
See, there have been a few times when Ash has said she was hungry and we weren't going to get to eat for a while, when I was actually afraid that she was going to turn to canibalism.

Princess Pessimism said...

OHHHH...and the gloves come off. *shaking my head* YOU TWO.

Miss Ash said...

I'm funny :P

rawbean said...

Wow it's gone wild in here!
Why don't you guys just pack a lunch and call it a day.

yrautca said...

LOLLL...how did i miss this exchange? Ash is on a roll eh?

Mud wrestling
Mud wrestling
Mud wrestling

Lindsey said...

i told you my brain was broken.

:o(

Princess Pessimism said...

Miss ASh - You are INDEED!!!!

Rawbean - THIS Is what the comment section is for...Me and Jennifer discussed this earlier....the flixibility of the comment section. We think its funny....

Yrautca - OHH...you have NO idea. Miss Ash is the comedian of the bunch.

Linny - OHHH....it cant be broken. Maybe on hiatus.

Big Ben said...

not a big camping guy, but I like to cook marshmallows over the fire and hot dogs. Basically I like to east things that are not good for regardless of the setting.

Sexy Suburbanite said...

When are you going?

Princess Pessimism said...

Ben - I cook marshmallows over a candle, when I cant get to a fire.

S.Subs - 6 DAYS!!! Well..Vegas 6 days, Grand canyon 8 days.

FU said...

i think nature is nice to look at and enjoy. but when it's time to sleep.. GO HOME.

we evolved right? we made houses etc. we don't have to go live outside.. or else i'd be chasing lions and buffalos of a cliff so I could eat it.

plus... i like indoor plumbing.

Princess Pessimism said...

FU - I agree with you...You're my kinda guy. LOL

Jennifer said...

FU, I agree with you that sleeping at home is better.
I hate to be a buzz-kill, but evolution is my thing and I feel the need to correct people when they throw the term around loosely.
Moving to a sedentary lifestyle with houses and beds with sheets has nothing to do with evolution, just behavioral, cultural and technological changes.
OK, I said it, now everyone knows what a downer I am at parties. My secret is out.

Jennifer said...

50th comment, holy crap! Is that a record?

Princess Pessimism said...

Jennifer - Nope...its not a record. There were a few posts about george bush a while back, that may have had a few more.

But really?? Does the 4 of us making fun of one another really count as comments??? This is daily conversation for us....So if you subtract all of the slander, there's really only like 20 comments. LOL!!!

Jennifer said...

tru dat

Mentok the Mind-taker said...

You may well need some time in the wild to detox yourself from Vegas. The sheer decadence of the that city is enough to over-saturate any dedicated urban dweller.