Saturday, February 04, 2006

Uhhh. Right.

So i've recently come to learn that Incognito Mike thinks of me while he jerks off.

After an utterly bizarre conversation over messenger on Thursday night, he decided that I had the right to know that he thinks of me in more than a friendly way. And when I flat out asked him if that is what he meant, he said yes. And then said "Is that okay?"

Between my jaw hitting the ground, and me blocking him off msn faster than I thought possible, I came to a conclusion that I felt that I needed to share with you.

IF you ever have fantasies about someone of the opposite sex, who you barely know and have only met twice, PLEASE dont tell them. It makes things very akward, and to be perfectly honest, I'm a little creeped out, and disgusted...and I wish he'd never felt that he had to share that with me. Maybe he'd think Id be flattered....well, I wasnt. And i'd be much better NOT knowing.

And, yes, he does have a girlfriend. Jenny has advised me to mention it in a diplomatic way...but he hasnt tried to contact me since then, and I dont expect him to any time soon. Is it the right thing to let his girlfriend know what happened? Or should I just let it go, and hope he never talks to me again?

I'm torn slightly. I feel that she has the right to know, but I dont know what to say so that she doenst think it had anything to do with me. Jenny has already given me some good advice, but I'm putting it out there....I need your help. What should I say?

38 comments:

Lindsey said...

Oh my gosh...that is absolutely disgusting! I can't believe he told you that...ugh. Just one more image you don't need in your head.

As for the girlfriend thing...exactly how good of friends with her are you? If you're not really tight then I wouldn't say anything unless Mike tries to continue contacting you. If you are close to her...then it gets sticky. I went through this several years ago and it totally backfired on me. I worked with my then good friend's boyfriend whom I was also good friends with. He was in a management position and hit on everything that walked in the door. We're not talking harmless, playful flirting...we're talking about wanting to hook up wherever he could. I gave him a hard time about it but of course he blew me off. I made mention of it to the friend and she got annoyed with me b/c she said he's always been playful and flirty and I'm making too much of it. Right...so a year or so later when she'd spend the night at his house and then he'd have another ex sleep over the next night and another the next night (all unbenounced to her until I told her) he was just being friendly. Eventually she finally believed me but then he called him and was very upset which caused him to get pissed off at me and make my work life hell....then she didn't want to talk to me for like a year or more b/c it was "too hard" for her b/c I reminded her of him. So I lost both of the friends for the time being. In the end...the only thing that didn't change was that they have always continued to talk and hook up...no matter who is dating whom. So a lot of good it did me.

Lindsey said...

And for the record this is the (fair weather friend) I mentioned.

berly02 said...

Ok, firstly, ewww, secondly, I wouldn't tell her because if she is a friend you want to keep, she will most likely resent you.

Sexy Suburbanite said...

While I do think that honesty is the best policy sometimes it is better to just omit info. This guy should have never told you that (ewwww) and I really don't think you should tell his girlfriend about it -- chances are that she will confront this guy, he will say you made it up, and then the girl will think you are trying to steal her boyfriend away from her. It might be better just to let this one go and avoid this guy in the future.

rawbean said...

It seems to me you don't know her and therefore I wouldn't tell her, I would just walk away. And if you have the unpleasant experience of talking to him again, I would tell him how inappropriate you think he's being especially because he has a girlfriend who he is disrespecting.

I find when I block someone on MSN I usually let them back on - probably best to just delete him and his e-mail address.

yrautca said...

I will go out on a limb and give you some serious advice here whether you like it or not.

PP in this situation you are at fault not this guy. You knew that this guy has a GF and yet you continued to talk to him. If you are feel so strong about BF-GF not talking to others then you also need to stop talking to others' BFs. Men and women are not made the same way (did you get the memo?). It is natural for a guy to pursue and it is natural for a woman to attract. Both you guys did you part alright in this situation.

Now you dont like the guy and yet want to jeopardize his relationship? He hasnt slept with you, has not caused you any harm. Why would you want to harm him and HER? It will be a despicable act in my opinion.

You need to stop being on messenger or phone with guys who are taken. I suspect that you do this to create drama.

You asked for advice. Dont wrinkle your nose at me now.

Trib said...

Wow, you told me not to tell girls that I fantasize about them just in the nick of time! I was just about to call my grandma and tell her. That would have made Christmas ackward!

Being that I'm the only other guy to comment on this I'm going to have to disagree slightly with yrautca. There is a reasonable expectation that not every time a woman talks with a man does she want him. Unless of course you buy into the concept that men and women can't really be friends. There is also the expectation that when you're dating someone that you don't try to get with other people. (How are women like monkeys? They don't let go of one branch until they've got a hold of another! hahaha) So Ignoramus Mike has violated two societal expectations and is found to be the guilty party.

I would just let this thing die and not go out of my way to mention it to her.

Trib said...

And, rawbean, please stop using so much salt. It's just not healthy.

yrautca said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Princess Pessimism said...

Linny - Thats the thing, we arent really friends. She was a friend of one of MY friends, and we met in class, and have become aquaintences. I never once said that I was friends with her...i said "it turns out that I know his girlfriend."

S.Subs - GOOD POINT about him saying i'm making it up. I never thought of that.

Rawbean - Ya, I did do that already. Its better that way.

Princess Pessimism said...

Yrautca - I understand where you are coming from, and can appreciate criticism. Really...I can take it.

I wouldnt have thought that I was completely at fault, especially when I told him it was strictly friendship. And I set my boundaries, and he knew how i felt and where I stood. Okay...I havent spoken to him on the phone since that night he called me in the middle of the night. Only on MSN. I'm sorry if my picture is in that little box, i dont change it to make sure that i'm hidden from the world. And it's not my fault that this guy cant keep his feelings in check. I told him friends only, and I meant that. I can TOTALLY be friends with anyone, guy or girl. The thing I dont understand is why, on his part, he couldnt be friends with me. It's not like i initiated anything, and his girlfriend knew that we were friends. We never hid anything from her....But I understand what you're saying...although I refuse to stop being friends with people just because they have a girlfriend.

Princess Pessimism said...

Trib - EWWW...you're so gross...LOL

But thank you for sticking up for me. I didnt think that I was really at fault, although I an understand Yrautca's point. like I said, i'm not going to stop being friends with people just because they're in a relationship.

Berly - I just saw your comment, Sorry, I wasnt ignoring you. See that's the thing, we're really just aquaintences, so im just more worried about making things akward for her.

yrautca said...

I gather I was a bit harsh in my earlier message. I also noticed that I used the word 'talk' loosely. By 'talk' I meant more like flirting. I think it is absolutely fine to just talk with friends of both sexes. Flirting is different.

But as friends what do you talk to a guy about? Football? politics? if yes then i dont understand how the jerking off thing would come up in that context.

Anyway, I didnt mean to put the blame on you 100%. I just dont take calls or IMs from 'just friends' that late at night.

yrautca said...

Having said all this, remember that I am still single. Maybe I am not doing it right. As my blog says, 'a clueless lone ranger.'

yrautca said...

Me again. I just took a shower and I realized that I have indulged in flirting with people who were with other people before, even married ones sometimes. I cant be telling you not to based on that. I am not sure if I strictly oppose this flirting.

I think my main issue with this situation was your wanting to tell his GF. That I think was what I found to be unwarranted.

Flirt away!

yrautca said...

And now you may think why I was thinking about this situation and as its extension about you in my shower...

hmmm......

Princess Pessimism said...

Yrautca - Lets get one thing PERFECTLY clear. I NEVER flirted with him ONCE. I was interested in what he was saying, and if he took that as flirting, that's his problem. I clearly specified that we were only friends.

We talked a few times, and talked a bit about global issues really. He's interested in politics and world issues. So am I, so we talked a lot about things like that. And as for the phone call in the middle of the night. I was sleeping, and he woke me up. The conversation lasted all of 2 minutes.

There was NO flirting. And any attempt he ever made to extend our conversations MORE than friends, I reminded him that we were friends, and that was it. It only happened the one time, and I havent spoken to him on the phone since.

Please dont think of me while you're in the shower.

Miss Ash said...

I think Yrautca thinks it's wrong to rock the boat....only because he obviously did not tell his friends wife about his friend taking his wedding ring off and flirting with the 21 year old girls.

As for men and women being friends, i'd say it's absolutley possible to have platonic friendships with people of the opposite sex. I have an equal amount of both male and female friends.

Princess Pessimism said...

Ya...I completey agree. Thats totally right. Yrautca...you're one to talk. Go tell your friends wife that he took off his wedding ring, because he thought he had a chance with a 21 year old. THEN come back to me, and if you still feel you have the right to lecture, then please...do so.

rawbean said...

Holy crap a lot has gone on over here in the past few hours, BUT I just want to add my two cents.

I know Yrautca has taken back some of what he said already, but I totally disagree with single people not talking (or flirting) with people in a relationship. If a guy in relationship is flirting with you than I think that says something about the relationship he/she is in. If a guy is in a solid relationship and doesn't want to mess that up, he will instantly set a boundary. This Mike guy went WAY over the boundary. You did nothing wrong at all P.P. - he was attempting to persue you, and now you are setting him straight by severing ties. End of story.

slopmaster said...

thats pretty gross. I wonder what he thought your reaction would be.

"OH, OK, just come over and I'll do a strip tease for you while you masturbate. Then I'll clean it all up and we'll never tell your gf."

Princess Pessimism said...

RawBean - I totally agree with you. Maybe he's happy in his relationship, but he's just a sleaze who cheats on his girlfriend. Maybe he just likes the comfort of the girlfriend, but likes to fuck around.

Either way, he came on to me. I put up every road block I could.

Natalia said...

I wouldn't mind if it was someone I was into and things were progressing. But not someone who is just a friend.

And even though I am aware that men often use women other than their girlfriends as fodder for jerking off, I feel that if he shared that with you it was because he wanted to take it further and yes his girl needs to know.

Wouldn't you want to know?

-N

yrautca said...

As I said my only issue here is PP trying to contact the GF. I will not accept that as a noble action under ANY circumstances short of her being pregnant (PP that is). Thats my story and I am sticking to it. boo hoo!

yrautca said...

AND I agree with rawbean that you are setting him straight by severing ties and, which is NOT the same as telling his GF.

yrautca said...

Also PP, you asked for advice. If you cant read anything that is opposite to the general point of view then you should state in your post that only favorable responses and advice is needed. boo hoo!

yrautca said...

Still love you.

Princess Pessimism said...

You're a smug bastard arent you? You remind me of Hernesto.

yrautca said...

Maybe I am jealous of this guy that he did get to see your pic. I can only bitch about it.

Smug Bastard Yrautca

Princess Pessimism said...

Slopmaster - I dont know what he was trying to accomplish, but whatever it was, it made me very uncomfortable.

Natalia - I WOULD want to know. What I think i'm going to do, is wait to see if he contacts me again. If he bugs me again, then I'll tell her. If he leaves me alone, i'll leave it.

Miss Ash said...

PP i agree with you now. I think Yrautca & Hernesto are one in the same LOL

Princess Pessimism said...

Ash - SEE??? I told you...I emailed you something further in regards to this comment section

Trib said...

I miss Hernesto and I think there's been enough disagreeing with Yrautca for one day. Nobody likes feeling like they're being scolded. So I move that we all take a deep cleansing breath and consider the matter closed. Let's not let things get out of proportion, in dealing with friends there's more at stake than winning arguments.

StealthBadger said...

I suggest you avoid talking about, or even thinking about the situation if at all possible.

There's absolutely no way it can end in anything other than tears, so to speak.

Besides which, do you really want to spend more time thinking about, well, things you'd rather not be thinking about???

Meh.

*takes his own advice on the subject*

Miss Ash said...

I agree with Trib. Agree to disagree and move on. If everyone had the same opinions life would be boring.

Jennifer said...

For the record, I gave PP same advice as Linny and Berly, I suggested that she save the MSN conversation in case she wanted to tell, and that since she's not that good a friend there isn't much to lose by her hating you if you do decide to tell her and that the threat of telling the girlfriend is a good bargaining chip to get him to fuck off.
I'm not suggesting that anyone track the GF down and stir up shit, but if he won't leave her alone she can threaten, or for that matter, if the GF asks.... I wouldn't lie for the fucker.
No one is going to think that she's trying to get him for herself if she avoids him like the plague.
As for Yrautca's advice, I'm going to heed what Trib said and not scold him, but suffice it to say that I disagreed very strongly.

Princess Pessimism said...

I thank everyone for their suggestions, and I have indeed come to a positive decision.

I agree, time to move on to the next post.

slopmaster said...

Just so you know PP... I have a related experience that I am posting for my next.. umm post.