Monday, October 17, 2005

The Rules....oh Ya, there are Rules!!!

I'm shallow. Let me be the FIRST to admit it, out loud. From roof tops. I am VERY sorry, but I think apperances matter, and anyone who says they dont, is a bloody liar. You are not FIRSTLY attraced to someone by their witty sarcasm...The first thing you notice about someone is their looks, not sparkling charm....Unless you're Jo Jo's Psychic alliance, there's NO way you're going to know what someone is like until you talk to them....and the first reason you would GO talk to them, is because you're attracted to them physically.

So, i'm sitting on campus today *Miss Ash, you'll apprecaite this one*, and there's this guy, who I notice staring at me...No, I wasnt staring at him Miss Ash.....Anyway, he catches my eye, and smiles, and i'm like UGH....I just want to study, leave me alone. So At first glance, he appears to be mildly good looking. He's not horrendous, but he's not gorgeous. So he stands up, and starts to make his way over, and you'll never guess what he's wearing. A Turtleneck....UGH! Not one of those fasionable turtleneck sweaters either, he's wearing a skin tight, navy blue turtleneck, with a windbreaker overtop of it, and ACID WASH JEANS!!!

I'm horrified. HORRIFIED...and i'm sorry, he might be the NICEST guy in the world, but i'm NOT attracted to someone who wears these types of clothes.

I'll admit, all of my ex's except one, who I dated YEARS ago, have dressed relatively well. I mean, Gap, Banana Republic, J Crew, RW.....you know, Nice. And because of this, my views on what I find attractive have taken on shallow meanings in terms of clothes...so over the years, I have compiled a short list of what I find unacceptable when it comes to my boyfriends wardrobe.

Allow me to introduce: The Rules

1. NO TURTLENECKS!!!
I'm sorry, but I dont think they're at all attractive, and are ONLY Acceptable if you're going skiing, and they are under 2 sweaters, and your ski jacket, AND I dont have to see the turtleneck itself.

2. NO OVERALLS!!!
I cant, I cant do it...boys in overalls are NOT attractive. To me, overalls SCREAM Osh Kosh B'Gosh, and 3 year olds with pigtails....grown men, do NOT look good in overalls.

3. NO COWBOY BOOTS (or subsequent cowboy attire)!!!
I REFUSE to date anyone who calls their shoes "shit kickers"....and I dont think that men should wear pointy shoes, unless they are lifetime employees of "Santa's Workshop"

4. NO SPANDEX!!!
If you are a cyclist, then MAYBE, but that is the ONLY case where this is an exeption. I am not attracted to men whose clothes are SO tight, that you can tell if they are circumsized or not!

5. NO TRENCHCOATS!!!
Although this rule can be bent if you're wearing something.....No, you know what? No...No trenchcoats.

I'm sorry, some of you MAY not agree with me on these, and you dont have to. These are MY preferences, and i'm entitled to them. As of recent, my list is starting to acknowledge OTHER varieties that may make the list soon, including: No Tyedie, it's not 1992 anymore people....although remember Hypercolor??? I had one of those. But I wouldnt wear it today.
And NO windbreakers.....I dont even THINK that I need to explain this.

For those of you who shop at thrift stores...that's all fine and good, an item or two from a thrift store can bring much needed flair to your outfit, but when your ENTIRE wardrobe costs less than 100 dollars....its starting to become a problem. I LIKE men who wear nice clothes, sue me.

40 comments:

Hernesto G said...

Hitler and the rest of the nazi party all wore very fine clothes.

You hate certain members of your family for being racist -- for disliking people BASED ON THEIR EXTERIOR APPEARANCE. You like guys who wear "Gap, Banana Republic, J Crew, RW" -- sounds mainly like upper middle class white boys...hmm coincidence?

Princess Pessimism said...

Yes....but i'm not racist....and I will hang out with ANYONE regardless of what they are wearing, but for a boyfriend, I like certain things...i'm not saying that I havent dated people who WERENT this. dont get me wrong...relationships arent BASED on clothes.....I just have preferences.....

And I dont HATE members of my family for being racist. People are entilies to their own opinion. I dont CONDONE their views, or agree with them, I never said I hated them for how they thought. I jsut dont agree with it.

berly02 said...

NO socks with sandals is my big one. It really screams BAD TASTE if you ask me.

Sexy Suburbanite said...

I still have a hypercolor t-shirt! I break it out whenever there is an 80s party and otherwise it stays in the back of the closet. Oh, the memories!

LOL -- I LOVED this post. It is just a simple fact that sometimes you can tell if you are compatible with someone based on the way they dress. I would agree with all on your list and I would flannel shirts. I know it gets cold up north, but no! Bad flannel shirts! Bad! Large colorful sneakers are also an issue (Hubby had some that were blue on one half and silver on the other and they actually caused some fights between us). And, don't even get me started on hair. Rat tails, pony tails, mullets -- don't even try to talk to me. Anyway, everyone appreciates a good dresser =)

Katie said...

pp,
lol...i like cowboy boots.. not all the time but there are times that they are called for..i have a some as well....lol but a girl has to have her view on things...like the list

berly,
i know i don't like that at all.. my brother Mitch does that and it drive me up the wall!

Hernesto G said...

So, then you don't like Jews, I mean they dress sharp never the preppy Banna Republic or Gap shiiit. Also, Italians, those guys are like a plethora of different vibrant colors, red, yellow, orange... Also, that means you hate French, they are a combination of interesting materials.. And Germans, who could forget their sharpness, acute sense of fashion - true fashinistas!!!

So, how come you hate the big four: Jews, Italians, French and Germans??? Also, Blacks and Philipinos have incredible taste for fashion and brand names... maybe not GAP, but Defintiely Kangaroo (Samuel L. Jackson) or FUBU, or Nike, or Adidas... always there in their great looking sport attire... How come you don't like Blacks or Philipinos??? Hmmm... And hispanics and their fashion: gold, silver, together sometimes...

So, anglo-boring-saxon, W.A.S.P.y guys for you, then???

PP, I invite you to open your eyes to a WORLD OF POSSIBILITIES!!! Leaves the Aglos to their Queen and Fog!!!

Miss Ash said...

You are hilarious...and i agree with sexy suburanite about the whole rattail mullet thing. What about white socks with black shoes ughhh. Or any type of t-shirt like those Big Johnson ones or FBI (female body inspector). This list is starting to remind me of TYB...i shall write a TYB blog next :)
Oh and i doubt he was staring at you.....we know who the instigator was. BTW did he say anything?

Px said...

shallow
but then ain't we all

Princess Pessimism said...

Berley - I'm italian, socks and sandals are part of my cultural heritage...LOL!....they make me laugh, and my grandfather used to wear them like that...

S.Subs - YES YES YES...NO Rat tails, mullets, mullets, 80's hair band hair...Hair is a whole different issue.

Kaite - I know you like cowboy boots, and I actually thought of you when I was writing that. LOL....I knew you'd be on here saying that you liked them!

Hernesto - I am ACTUALLY italian and german.....and NO, I dont hate people becuase of the way that they dress....Fuck, how do you go from normal, to deranged? Are you sure you're not pshizophrenic?

Miss Ash - He was STARING at me. I swear, and I knew you were going to comment on that. And to this day, I have never seen you wear white socks in general, do you even own ONE pair??? The guy walked over, but when I saw him headed my way, I flipped open my cellphone, and was immediately engrossed in conversation. He sort of lingered in his footsteps and veered the other way.

PX - Its part of my charm I think. =) LOL

Hernesto G said...

"Berley - I'm italian, socks and sandals are part of my cultural heritage...LOL!"

"Hernesto - I am ACTUALLY italian and german"

"Fuck, how do you go from normal, to deranged? Are you sure you're not pshizophrenic?"

listen, I have been called many things, and schitzophrenic is one of them...but that's besides the point, how do you go from Italian to Italian and German? Me thinks you are some sort of nationality shape shifter

Sincerely,
Hernesto G

Princess Pessimism said...

LOL...Nationality shape shifter. Not quite.

Dad born in Venice, mom's family, german and russian.

Since no one places any culrtural emphasis on the latter 2, we focus specifically on the first. My mom has abandoned her cultural heritage, and adopted my dads.

Thats all...i never said it wasnt fucked up you know.

Hernesto G said...

This is a misunderstanding.. I mean Italians are fine and all, but they are really second class (probably even less) to Russian and German cultures.

In fact, even thought I am part Italian, when I speak to people of higher standing I never mentioned it... in fact I learned Russian and a bit of German so that I can hide my Italian identity... I am not embrassed by it, just that Russians and Germans are way, way, way better...

sometimes I even say that I am Jewish - so that I can score MAJOR BROWNIE POINTS!!!!

Hernesto G said...

Ciao come stai? Va bene? Ti piace molto!

Have u ever/do u ever want to visit Italy?

Cali Girl said...

There are a few clothing choices that bother me. A one color outfits (blue shirt, pants, shoes, and hat) is overkill. Other than that I care more about how you wear your clothes than what you wear. I don't mind if your shirt is from Wal-Mart but if it's wrinkled, iron it. I’m also a stickler for wearing clothes that fit well. If your pants are falling off or skintight, it’s time for a new pair.

Princess Pessimism said...

Cali Girl - Yes, I like people who iron their shirts as well....they dont have to be perfect, but well maintained.

Hernesto -Molto Bene, Grazie. =)

yrautca said...

Oh you will love me. I am always very nicely dressed, especially when at work. There was a time I was spending too much on clothes, cologne and shoes and had to cut back a bit. Its not overstated. I keep a clean sexy image. And I have never worn any of the above items you listed. Except I am open to getting cowboy boots for my jeans. What I really like about BR is their fit on pants. For some reason they fit me very well. When I am at home on weekend, I try and not wear anything too cool. i just try and keep a low profile image. Only time I will go all out and look drop dead gorgeous is when I am in love. On dates I tend to hold back a bit.

Princess Pessimism said...

Yrautca...you're right, I DO love that!!!

blepharisma said...

Mmm. I don't mind turtlenecks. I guess it depends what kind of turtleneck, what they're wearing it with -- and what shape neck & head they have.

Seriously! That matters with turtlenecks! You don't want to look like a no-neck!

I'm trying to picture Joe in a turtleneck & am having difficulty -- I like him in U or V necks.

Hernesto G said...

yrautca said...
"I keep a clean sexy image."
"Only time I will go all out and look drop dead gorgeous is when I am in love."

listen, I may have a rainbow confederate flag but do these comments rub anyone the wrong way? only fabulous men and trannies describe themselves as drop dead gorgeous. which one are you yrautca?

Princess Pessimism said...

Bleph - I laughed when I tried to imagine Joey in a turtleneck....LOL
But you're right, looking like a "No Neck" is bad!!!

Yrautca - Ignore him...Hernesto, stop trying to cause shit.

The DogGrrrrl said...

Vests. Especially sweater-type.

I met a guy in person once that I'd met online. He showed up in a white turtleneck under a pale blue oxford WITH the fag-tag on the back. All tucked into pleat-front khakis. He looked like his mom dressed him for his 3rd grade picture.

The DogGrrrrl said...

is it me or is hernesto in his own fucking world here?

hernesto. i hate sweater vests. what segment of the population do i hate?

Princess Pessimism said...

Doggrrrl!!! LOL...Yes I'm ALSO inclined to hear what part of the population you hate as well...LOL! Youve got a kick ass attitude that I find charming and hilarious!

Hernesto G said...

hey, doggrrl you hate Swedes, those type of shii only Swedes will wear

Katie said...

you know me to well...lol

Lindsey said...

Also, No hemmed denim jean shorts. I'm probably alone in this but I don't like it when guys are wearing tank tops and sleeveless shirts. It just bugs me.

WHY do we always attract the weirdos...WHY?

yrautca said...

Hernesto, we both are trying to be on PP’s good side. So I will say whatever will gain me an advantage over you. Although I think all I need to do is keep my mouth shut and let you talk, seeing that every word that comes out of your mouth forever seals your fate as PP’s boyfriend wannabe.

Princess Pessimism said...

HA HA hernesto...he's got you there...Yrautca, you are definitely higher up on the scale that measures my proverbial "good side".....I generally prefer people who arent crazy....

Px said...

linny, you calling me weird?

i was going to say something else then, but i forgot now





oh yeah
i remember
after the clothes you need to look at the person's hygiene; clean shaven, smell, hair, finger nails that kinda thing, obviously this only works on blokes unless you're in a nudist colony

Princess Pessimism said...

PX - Linny might not be calling you wierd, but I certinaly will....you wierdo.

Hernesto G said...

PX, hygene, shaving???

PP, clothes, nice ones???

Yrautca, colognes, deodorants???

What is this... what if I like to look like a dirty Palestinian with an unshaved face and black robe garments, as if I just crawled out of a hole, bunker, explosion??? DOES THIS MEAN A GIRL SHOULDN'T DATE ME???

As Allah is my witness and Mohammad is his profet, you are all wrong!!!!

Miss Ash said...

No Hernesto, it does not mean a girl should not date you ... just PP wouldn't ... and not because you looked like a Palestinian but because you were dirty and not wearing J Crew LOL

Princess Pessimism said...

Hernesto....Miss Ash is EXACTLY right. I could care less about ethnicity or skin color, that doesnt bother me at all.....but if you havent brushed your teeth in a week, or washed your hair, or arent dressed nicely, then no, I wouldnt date you.

Hernesto G said...

I am wearing a deep charcoal Valentino three button suit over a Les Copains cashmere turtleneck, in black. Gucci square toe slip-ons with a discreet silver insignia that you would have to be on your knees in front of me in order to read, and a White Gold Vacheron-Constantine Chronograph, with a black suede band and a deployant buckle.

Princess Pessimism said...

see, people who specifically go out to buy name brands, and flash them around like that, dont impress me either.

Hernesto G said...

Screw this Western Attire... BACK TO BEING A PALESTINIAN!!!

Hernesto G said...

u missed out on the American Psycho reference.

Marcus said...

I'm just relieved you've got nothing against lycra bodysuits.

Princess Pessimism said...

Hernesto - No I didnt.

Marcus - Lycra bodysuits eh? Well, I would HOPE that they would specifically fall into the NO SPANDEX category...as spandex and lycra are cousins. LOL!

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