Monday, July 31, 2006

Blogger Confessional© Deep Thoughts on 5 Dates

This week consisted again, of drinking, and going out almost everynight. However, on Friday, we had some deep introspective conversation about the 5 date challenge that coincided with the events of the evening.

- Invited our quai-cute waiter to sit down with us and have a few drinks after he was done work. He actually did, and we ended up doing many shots, plus all the martinis I drank...not to mention the drinking I did the rest of the day. So our waiter sits down with us, and starts going on about how he was raised at a race track *his dad was a jockey*, how his brother sliced his skull open...twice, how he has a bucket of phone numbers of girls he will never call, how he has three beer store phone numbers programmed into his cell phone, how the first thing beside his bed is a bottle of tequila, and how he's almost 21. 21!!!! Oh god. Me and LD looked at eachother and gagged. And then he pulled out his switchblade, opened it up, and told us he carries it for protectoin. I cant imagine the look on my face....we left while he got up and went to the bathroom. *he was also sitting with staff at another table, so i didnt really care.*

Through out the course of the night, sitting with this guy, Dave, "T" pointed out that this guy should count as a date becuase I asked a strange guy to sit with us, AND he bought shots. Me and LD burst out laughing, and say that it does count as one out of the 5 date challenge, and we call Miss Ash, in tears saying LD - 1, PP - 1, Miss Ash - 0.

We werent really counting him as a date, and laughed about how funny it was. And at the end of the night, I confessed that I would never date him anyway, as he was very bizzare. But we thought it was funny. Although, at this point we agreed that there needs to be some sort of breakdown, rule wise.

I would post them, but miss ash would disagree with them, she wants to change the year to 4 and my friends arent daters. We dont date, and every relationship we've been in never started with a total stranger and the phrase "would you like to go for a ....... sometime?" At least, none of mine have. I'll tell you right now, in 4 months, I wont have one date. I'll hook up with someone, but I wont date them. But I digress.

Walking back to the car at the end of the night, I was, surprisingly, not drunk, and I looked at LD, and said "How is this our life?"....the best nights, are when she cant even answer, and she just shakes her head, becuase she has no idea either.

Although, on the way home, we did agree that "Dave" solidifies the reason that we dont usually meet new people. Dave is the epitomy of why I dont want to meet new people. The guy carries a switchblade for fucks sake, and he looked like John Travoltas friends in Grease. Ive never seen West Side Story...but I imagine that Dave would have fit right in....minus the singing.

Thursday, July 27, 2006

In Advertisement for Myself

Long lost love? Wanna find them again, and get back what you've had? No problem. You've come to the right place.

An example?? I thought you'd never ask.

Case 1: The H&Z Story

H meets Z. They date a long time, and break up because of outside circumstances. 9 years ago. Years go by, she inquires about his well being, as I know someone who is still good friends with him. Just this past April, i'm talking to H, and she asks about him. I get his email address from the person I know, and send it over to her and say "Ask him yourself. I'm sure he'd love to hear from you."

She emails him, but doenst hear back....until like 2 weeks later.

They talk everyday from that point on, confess their undying love for one another, and immediately get back together. After seeing eachother 2 times in a month *they live 8 hours apart*, he decides that he cant live without her, quits his job, and moves to where she is, so she can finish her Masters.

She's already said that she wants me in her wedding party *if and when*, as she says i'm the reason they're back together.

Case 2: The R&M Saga

R&M date a while, and break up...about a year and a half ago. I move to windsor, meet up with R. We hang out, he's a decent friend. We discuss lost loves, and he tells me about M *all of this happens about 2 months BEFORE the H&Z story*.

He knows where she was last living, but hates M's old room mate, so calls, but doesnt get anywhere. I call as well, and Matlock that I am, find out a bit of info. (I also blogged about this a while back, if I should give the address that I got, you all said no, so I didnt).

However, shortly after that phone call, I lose touch with R, becuase of school...and I lost his number. He tried to contact me, but never left his number and I could never call him back. He text messaged me the other day. I talked to him last night.

About the beginning of May, M's old roommate runs into her, and says that R, and some other chick (me) were looking for her. She emails him, and they begin to talk again. They immediately decide to go for din, and get back together. Within a month, they are engaged.

I have never met M before, but I talked to R last night, he said that M wants me to be in her wedding party. I ask "Why??? Ive never met her." and R says "I owe my entire relationship to you. If you hadnt gotten me thinking of her again, and helped me look for her, I probably never would have talked to her again".

But I cant find ONE decent relationship for myself.

The Unhinged Princess, Miracle Worker.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

So i'm a bitch....whatev.

We've implemented the 5 Date Challenge.

There's an Article over at Ms. Ash's place, but I think the jist is go on 5 dates with anyone who asks you within a year just to meet new people, blah blah blah. There's supposed to be no rules, but we have standards. So, as far as we are going with this, they cant be friends, they must have teeth, and no mullets......And again. Our reasons are esthetic. Fuck we're shallow. But I digress.

After a crazy weekend out, I call up Ms. Ash on Sunday arond 11:30, and I go down to her place, to get her for lunch. We pick up a couple of other friends on the way.

After we're done, and on our way out, this man, he must have been at least 55, puts his arms out to Dawn. She offers him her take out, and he says "No, I want you"....we laugh *he's WRETCHED*, and with the conversation of the 5 Date Challenge not even being 48 hours old, I turn to him and say "You know, if you ask her on a date, she cant say no".

She turns to me and says "you're a horrible human being."

Its the 5 Date CHALLENGE. If it was meant to be easy, it would be called something else.

Sunday, July 23, 2006

Blogger Confessional© My weekend of Jammers and Blockers.

In this VERY special Blogger Confessional© comeback, well, not really i've been blogging about my week on sundays, but just not calling it the confessional©....i've had as busy as weekend as anything....

- drank 5 days out of 7 this week kids....This means that in the almost 4 weeks that i've been home, i've managed to drink 19 or 20 days out of I said, living like a rock star is REALLY starting to agree with me.

-Went out galavanting with Miss Ash and LD on friday....where, even though I was driving, managed to get in 3 hearty drinks, and a very strong jello shot into my system. Through out the course of 3 and a bit hours though....Its a good thing i've built up my tolerance these past 3 and 3/4 weeks. That morning, I thought that I felt a cold coming. But it turned out to be nothing a few drinks wouldnt take care of.

- Went to costco. Im not too sure about that store. I dont know how I feel about a store that sells meat, and furniture side by side. But I went anyway....and didnt get anything, but it was saturday and it was free sample day....I usually cant eat any of that shit becuase of my crazy allergies, but it's fun to watch the vultures swarming.

- Was unsure of what do to last night. It was another of our friend's b-day this past wednesday and I called her about 6 times to go out from wednesday until last night, and she hasnt called back. So i dont know what's up....but H if you're reading this. Get off your lazy ass and call me...i have presents for you. But I digress. The phone rings, it's Jenni's mom. But since Im not really on general phone rotation with jenni's mom, I figure that it's Jenni instead. It is, and it's 6pm.

Her: "what are you doing"
Me: "putting my granola into the cupboard"
Her: "*sigh* in tonight. Do you have any plans?"
Me: "not yet..but I just..."
Her: "do you want to go to the roller derby in burlington? Its the first match ever at the arena."
Me: " *pause* What?"
Her: "The roller derby. Its gonna be so much fun"
Me: "Uh...okay."

So we make it starts in less than an hour, and I literally hang up the phone with her, and leave. It takes me about a half hour to get to where it is, and her about 40. So we go watch us some roller derby. Which I have to admit was sort of fun. However, the best part of the night came when Jenni mentioned that Miss Ash didnt want to go, and I said "Ohhh...she'll be sad because of all the eye candy." Trust many guys, SO HOT!!!

- I also read a website that tells you whats happening in big brother, and trust me, if you are watching this show, you will DIE at what happens in the upcoming POV contest. I cant wait to see it.

OH OH....Beastie Boys at MTV live this Wednesday the 26th. For free tickets to MTV live, call 416 355 3979, toll free: 1 800 491 6888 or send your fancy email to We'll be there, and I cant wait.

That was just my weekend...the rest of the week is foggy, I drank almost everyday. Happy sunday everyone.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

We all have our moments.

You know the ones i'm referring to...the ones where, despite our intelligence, we look like absolute morons.

Weither or not we sing the wrong lyrics to a song, because we thought they were saying something else (Eg. The song lyric "I ain't too proud to beg", someone once thought they were saying "I ain't too fried to bang"...and we laughed about it for a long time....and obviously still do). Or something else ridiculous along those lines.

I had one of those moments. I once thought that CNN stood for Canadian National News. I was so wrong, and still get tormented about it....I still dont know what CNN stands for.

I also went to see the first Spiderman movie with LD. I have never read a comic book, and have no clue who's who in the world of Stan Lee.

Half way through the movie, I see the bad guy, lean over to LD and say "Whats that guys name?" She whispers his name, and I say "Oh, thanks" even though I had no idea what she just said.

I lean over again, about 10 seconds later and say "The Green Lantern??" She whispers back "No" and them mumbles something inaudible. I say "Ohh...okay" even though I hadn't heard again.

About 15 seconds later I lean over and say "the Green Comet??", and she sighs and loudly says "GOBLIN" which point i'm sure someone sushed her....but it left me in a fit of giggles at my own stupidity.

So come on....fess up. I wanna hear your "stupid" moments.

Sunday, July 16, 2006

In Contemplation.

I originally set out to write this post about weither or not I should have a prison pen pal. But the post turned into something much longer, and i posted about a skirt and some creepy guys, that were completely incidental. You're right Linny...the post was really long.

I was online last night, and I have NO idea how I wound up on a site for prison penpals....but each inmate had their profile, and pictures, and of course what they were convicted of, and release date....oh and if they were on death row, if they had an upcoming execution.

Im FAR from lonely, and dont feel that I need a pen pal, as I have a surplus of great amazing friends, who I can talk to anytime....there's a professional part of my being that feels bad for these inmates. Grantid, I do NOT feel bad for the crimes that they have committed, and do NOT feel bad for the consequences they have to pay because of those crimes...But I do feel bad that maybe their families have disowned them, or refuse to talk to them because of what happened....I have seen the other side of being abandoned....its bad.

Then I wondered if people were penpals with Charles Manson....they are. I wondered if people were penpals with John Gotti, or Ted Bundy...they were. And then I wondered, if these turned out to be fan letters, glorifying these criminals, and somehow justifying these crimes to themselves....And then I realized how easy it would be, for someone like Charles Manson, to get one of these fans to do whatever he wanted them to.....

I cant imagine the hell that exists on the other side of crazy....but im sure there's atleast ONE person out there, who thinks that getting a personal letter from a serial killer would be cool....

I'm not saying that i'm going to get a prison penpal....i just know that recidivism rates for petty crime increases, the longer you spend time in jail only associating with other criminals. In an effort to correct the behavior, the government throws them into a confined area where they learn new skills, and where they relearn negative behavior.....maybe if they had someone outside to talk to.....its just finding the person that would put aside all stereotypes, and volunteer.

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Deadly Sins Series: Envy

Gabriel Koerner of Trekkies and Trekkies 2 fame left a comment on Miss Ash's blog!!! That is SO cool, and i'll have to admit it, as much as I dont enjoy Star Trek, and think their fans are ridiculously entertaining...although passionate....i'm totally jealous!

Find Gabriel here

Saturday, July 08, 2006

My Year in Review

Since i'm coming up on my year anniversary of blogging *i can hardly believe ive shared a year of my life with you guys already*, I decided to go back and look over some of my old posts.

Things that I remember like it was yesterday, I wrote about 6 months ago. I dont know where the time has gone. I ALSO went through looking at comments and found that there was so much blog spam, that I went through every post that I have written and deleted it all. And in doing so, I found some comments from a blogger, who've i've not seen before, but he had a load of nice things to John, from Keswick...if you ever come back, and happen to see this....thanks buddy.

I got a good laugh over the last year of my life, and realized that as much complaining as I do about not being able to find a guy, I saw, in my own words, that the past year, has been made up of too many guys. I cant believe how many guys have come and gone out of my life in the past year. It actually surprised me....when you're living day to day, i suppose you dont notice. But when you sit down, and actually think about it, I cant believe it.

After reading my posts, and the comments that you guys have left about "me and my guys" (because that comment was actually quite common), off the top of my head, I remember writing about 11. ELEVEN!!! And those were all guys that I met since september.....From September to June, I hung out with eleven different guys. I guess I cant say that ive got no one, ever again. Wow...Im impressed with myself. Ha...eleven...LOL!

Hung out does not always = sex, but all of them started out as potential "somethings" OH except Incognito Mike, I decided with most of them, that i'd rather have them as friends....but of those 11 guys 6 of them told me that they were in love with me....and I never said it back to any of them. Its not fair to tell someone you love them if you dont....thats false hope. And come on, even i'm not that mean.....

This is what ive been doing with my it up, drinking, tanning, rereading old posts, drinking, unpacking, going out everyday, drinking, swimming, catching up with my neices and drinking. I want to start looking for a job, but frankly, i've just been too busy....drinking.

Happy World Cup Everyone....Go Italy!!

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Surviving my first week, and ponderables.

In the week that ive been home, ive spent loads of time suntanning, going out with my friends. Have had at least 2 drinks everyday, and have done more, out in one week, than Ive done since March. Its not that Windsor sucked, its just that I had a limited amount of people there to go out with. Here, my phone hasnt stopped ringing since last tuesday.....

In having all this time off, and living like a rockstar, Ive had a lot of time to do a lot of things.....I still havent started unpacking yet, but ive brought an entire apartment back to one bedroom, so ive got to clear the shit that I have out first before I start unpacking it all...its been a hassle, and ive started, but i'm working slowly at it.

Ive watched a few movies with friends, one of them being "A History of Violence". If you have not seen this movie, beware, Im going to ruin it for you, so stop reading if you really want to see this movie.

Im sorry, but this movie sucked. And Vigo looked like one of those pervy bar guys that sit around all day drinking beer..he turns out to be someone living in witness protection, whos had to change his identity, but after an incident at his diner, some of his old mob associates see him on the tele, and come after him.

This got me to thinking, and I wanted to ask. If you found out that you married someone who was in the witness protection program, and everything you thought you knew about them, turns out to be a lie, does this change the person that they were to you? Are you mad that they lied? Or is this the exception?

Sunday, July 02, 2006

Cotton Candy + Carnies + Airplane bottle size booze = Canada Day 2006

I call up LD around 12:30, and ask her if she wants to take her nephews to the carnival thats going on not too far from my place for the afternoon. I can hear the noise all the way across the pond, and we agree....we love carnival food, so we're set to go.

We head down there, against Brither in laws severe warnings, and get ourselves settled into some serious carnival fun. I have not been to a carnival myself, in years, but the lure of blue cotton candy is too strong for me to resist. Im cramming bites of it into my mouth as I type this...and I assure you. Its GOOD.

We get down there, and the boys want to play all these games, and as we're walking through, almost every game at this carnival was beer bottle themed. No joke. Almost every game, had something to do with beer bottles. Breaking them, or getting rings around them...whatever, they were there. And we laughed. Out loud.

The surplus of mullets and men without teeth was overwhelming, infact, I believe that I saw the worst mullet I have ever seen in my entire life today. It was an afro on top, and frizzy fanned out mullet on the bottom. Nauseating. But my cotton candy kicks ass.

LD was taking her nephews on the ferris wheel, and as we're waiting in line for them to go, the carnie in charge looks at us, leans back on his chair, and makes some comments in our general direction about how his chair is the most confortable one there blah blah blah.....while eyeballing us, and doing this really creepy thing with his lips. I turn my back to him, and LD makes some comment about how his chair is about to fall apart, as the bolts were coming out of the bottom...and he continues to ogle, and do that creepy thing with his lips....we make some other random comments about the general venue, and I tell her that the carnie is creeping me out, at which point he leans over and says "I can hear everything you know". I shrug it off, and LD says "what did he say???" I say "he can hear what we're saying"....she gives me the "so what" shrug, and we laugh it off....We're bitches...get over it. But it gave us a good story for the rest of the night, and LD's reenactment of her reaction, is priceless.

We leave a couple of hours later, and head off to her brothers house, and since the Liquor store is closed today, the only thing I have readily available booze wise, is airplane size bottles of rye, and rum....Hung out there for a while, and then we went to the Flying Saucer for a bit to eat....mmmm...i missed that place.

while we were eating, I wondered, out loud, how one becomes a carnie.....Any ideas??? And is mullets and no teeth a job requirement?

But my cotton candy was totally worth it.