Pornorama

So it' s my friends boyfriends birthday....and where better to go, to look for a gift, than a sex store?

Now keep in mind that I have only ever been to a store like that 2 times. Another friend of mine used to work in one...and half the shit that was in there, i couldnt figure out. She had to tell me what it was...lol...

I digress...So we go in there, and start looking at all of the stuff that's on the shelves, and let me tell you...I STILL had to read most of the packages, becuase of all of the things we saw, LOOKING at them alone wasnt enough to tell me what they were.

I have NOT been in a store like that since LD quit her job about 5 years ago, and i'll tell you, Sex toys have come a LONG way since then. There was something in there called the "sex swing" Said sex swing was 400 dollars and took up MORE room than a double bed. Where do you set this up when you're "in the mood"? Do you have to build a house in order to accomodate the size of this thing? Do you need an empty room just for "play time?"? Do you have to take all of the furniture out of the living room? Or are you a voyeur, and set it up in the backyard? And...not only does it need to be accomodated when it's set up, but where the hell do you store it when you ARENT using it? I'll admit, it looked kind of fun, but i'm flexy and bendy all on my own...but you know, sex swing? I just dont have the room.....

As we progressed in the store, there were a large variety of the blow up dolls, men AND women...And then just one step away, was a LIFE SIZE female doll...but not a doll, that wierd fleshy material...that feels like melting plastic. Itwas complete with big open mouth, AND pubic hair, that looked like someone cut the pigtails off the Cabbage Patch Kid. It was the WIERDEST thing i'd ever seen, and yet, as I was picking my jaw up off the floor, I was strangely transfixed by it....it was SO realistic, that I thought that whoever could afford it was either REALLY desperate, and didnt want the embarassment of a hooker, OR i s really sad...and lonely...and I felt bad for whoever bought it. It's Not THAT hard to meet someone....

So after we decide that we'd never date someone sho had certain "aquaintence" with any doll, be it realistic OR of the blowup proportion, I suggest a movie...And Let me tell you...i think that it's rather ODD that a sex store has a "back room" for their movies...It's not like they have anything to hide.....I think if you're in a sex store, the reasons you're in there are pretty obvious....

So we laugh, and giggle like school girls at the movies...just because i'm 27 doesnt mean that "Ultimate Taxi Sluts #9" isnt funny anymore...

There was ONE vibrator, that looked like sunken pirate treasure....it was gold lamé , with pearls inside of it that rotated....when I said it looked like pirate booty, I thought my friend was going to pee her pants she was laughing so hard....but it really did. Like something dug up from the Depths of Atlantis itself.

Anyway, we didnt end up getting anything, but i'll tell you, if there was ever a time that I WOULD buy something from a store like that....shopping for it will be an ALL Day adventure.