Monday, August 22, 2005

Pornorama

So it' s my friends boyfriends birthday....and where better to go, to look for a gift, than a sex store?

Now keep in mind that I have only ever been to a store like that 2 times. Another friend of mine used to work in one...and half the shit that was in there, i couldnt figure out. She had to tell me what it was...lol...

I digress...So we go in there, and start looking at all of the stuff that's on the shelves, and let me tell you...I STILL had to read most of the packages, becuase of all of the things we saw, LOOKING at them alone wasnt enough to tell me what they were.

I have NOT been in a store like that since LD quit her job about 5 years ago, and i'll tell you, Sex toys have come a LONG way since then. There was something in there called the "sex swing" Said sex swing was 400 dollars and took up MORE room than a double bed. Where do you set this up when you're "in the mood"? Do you have to build a house in order to accomodate the size of this thing? Do you need an empty room just for "play time?"? Do you have to take all of the furniture out of the living room? Or are you a voyeur, and set it up in the backyard? And...not only does it need to be accomodated when it's set up, but where the hell do you store it when you ARENT using it? I'll admit, it looked kind of fun, but i'm flexy and bendy all on my own...but you know, sex swing? I just dont have the room.....

As we progressed in the store, there were a large variety of the blow up dolls, men AND women...And then just one step away, was a LIFE SIZE female doll...but not a doll, that wierd fleshy material...that feels like melting plastic. Itwas complete with big open mouth, AND pubic hair, that looked like someone cut the pigtails off the Cabbage Patch Kid. It was the WIERDEST thing i'd ever seen, and yet, as I was picking my jaw up off the floor, I was strangely transfixed by it....it was SO realistic, that I thought that whoever could afford it was either REALLY desperate, and didnt want the embarassment of a hooker, OR i s really sad...and lonely...and I felt bad for whoever bought it. It's Not THAT hard to meet someone....

So after we decide that we'd never date someone sho had certain "aquaintence" with any doll, be it realistic OR of the blowup proportion, I suggest a movie...And Let me tell you...i think that it's rather ODD that a sex store has a "back room" for their movies...It's not like they have anything to hide.....I think if you're in a sex store, the reasons you're in there are pretty obvious....

So we laugh, and giggle like school girls at the movies...just because i'm 27 doesnt mean that "Ultimate Taxi Sluts #9" isnt funny anymore...

There was ONE vibrator, that looked like sunken pirate treasure....it was gold lamé , with pearls inside of it that rotated....when I said it looked like pirate booty, I thought my friend was going to pee her pants she was laughing so hard....but it really did. Like something dug up from the Depths of Atlantis itself.

Anyway, we didnt end up getting anything, but i'll tell you, if there was ever a time that I WOULD buy something from a store like that....shopping for it will be an ALL Day adventure.

15 comments:

Phil said...

A sex store? In St. Catharines? I can't believe it! I might have to drive up there to see that. What was the address?

Sexy Suburbanite said...

Porn stores are so funny and creepy! Somehow it seems that I always end up going to one on my birthday too (strange tradition, I know). I have often wondered about that sex swing too. The one I saw needs to be mounted to your ceiling. Try explaining that to people who come to your house! Plus, you would have to make sure that thing is pretty secure if it's got to hold the weight of two adults who are ... ummm ... moving rapidly.

Jennifer said...

The last time I went to a sex store, I opened a tester of strawberry flavoured lube to sniff it and it sprayed bright red lube all over my white linen shirt. It was a long walk home.

Natalia said...

Yaay shopping spree at the sex shop weee...

Sexy-

do I remember a to-do list that included go to the sex shop and buy something nice????

hehe...good memories :)

-N

popfizz said...

ultimate taxi sluts #8 is really much better than #9. I have no idea why they kept the series going other than to just showcase steamy hot sex.

Hernesto G said...

do you want to hit that shit?

Lindsey said...

They've got so much weird crap in there. I almost get embarrassed when I've had to go in one. We did buy my male boss a female blow up doll for his b-day one year and the damn thing had purposeful holes in the most unbelievable places!

Esbee said...

Has anyone heard of those women-only, "shop at home" parties for adult stuff? I find those an odd idea. "I'll take a Mister Fister in extra large, color: black, and please pass the canapés."

Princess Pessimism said...

OHH I FORGOT about those parties....like you want ALL of your friends knowing you're buying "Mr. Fister"....it's not like you can say it's a gift....

Princess Pessimism said...

Oh and Phil...i forgot about you...

The store is "The Stag Shop" 387 Ontario Street St. Catharines
TEL: 905-687-3310

Let me know when you're en route...it's only a mile from my place. =)

Princess Pessimism said...

OHHH I just realized how perverted that sounded....it wasnt intended like that....foot in mouth...LOL

Esbee said...

a likely story.

cristal said...

I've only been to a sex shop once. My boyfriend gave me a gift certificate for this place called "Chystals" for Xmas one year. He didn't tell me what kind of place it was, and it didn't say on the gift certificate, so i just assumed it was a flower shop or something. So on my day off I take my daughter with me to go to this place, and i pull up and it was just like a brike building with no windows on the side of the building where i parked. So i still didn't really have any idea what this place was. So i go in, and quickly realize that it was a sex shop! And what made it suck an awful experiance is cause i had my 3 year old daughter with me!! The lady in the store made me carry her around the store. I didn't brouse in the good areas I quickly just went to the clothes and landed up buying a dress!

Princess Pessimism said...

Crystal...

I LOVE your blog...and already have you linked to my page! There are SO many good points you make, and I ALWAYS want to leave messages for you...any chance you're going to turn on your comments?

cristal said...

actually yeah, i just recently turned on the option to leave comments. My boyfriend always gave me shit for not allowing people to leave comments. So, comments are welcome now! :) I was just always afraid some christian conservative would stumble upon my blog and get offended and leave me nasty comments, cuz i get a lot of that, but recently sence the Cindy Sheehan thing has been happening, i've been real vocal about my feelings.