Thursday, August 04, 2005

The worst case of ADD this side of Dr. Daniel Amen

I wish you knew how many times i've tried to sit down at this computer and blog about something....ANYTHING. And after sitting here, for the umpteenth time *I like that word umpteenth, I wonder what number it represents*....i've got nothing, but bitching about how I cant write about anything.

So last night I went to a bar, for drinks with my LD, because of New York City, the 80's Prom, and LD's new promotion. And so we're sitting there.....talking about everything as per usual. And there's this bunch of kids, sitting in the corner of the patio, and as time goes on, their group keeps multiplying. It started off with like 4 people, and by the time we left must have been like 12 at least....And as the Tequila flowed freely, they started talking louder...becuase, as anyone who's ever gone to a patio bar on a Wednesday night 10:00pm knows, the noise levels are unbearable.

So they started telling these jokes, like offensive gay jokes, like totally UN P.C. jokes.....And i'm not gay, but I have a lot of friends who are.....and I hate that bullshit. For all of you who are too insecure with your own isnt funny to make fun of gay people. The people that I know who are gay, are more comfortable and secure with themselves than anyone i've ever known. They arent afraid to be themselves, and in a society that STILL isnt 100% pro-gay, i'd say that it takes a load of courage to be able to admit who you are....who you REALLY are *not just who you pretend to be*, and be proud of it.

I know it's difficult to let someone know everything about you. It's EXTREMELY disconcerting, because it makes you vulderable....really vulnerable....and god forbid that after you tell them all of your wretched secrets, they dont accept you....But thats the chance you take, in establishing ADULT relationships....letting yourself be vulnerable to someone else.....and then I think of my friends who are gay....not only are they vulnerable in a relationship with someone they care about...telling them personal details of their lives, but when they come out, they're vulnerable to everyone, they're vulnerable to discrimination, they're vulnerable to society.....THAT takes a lot of strength....they arent afraid to be who they are.

I live by the fact that no matter how much you know someone, as close are you are, you NEVER really know them. Ever. You could be married for 20 years, and then be cleaning out your closet one day, and come across some old love letters written to your husband by his old gay lover. And then what happens? Are you mad because he lied, and hid that from you? OF COURSE YOU ARE.....and then if you question it, he gets mad, and defensive, and insecure.....and it's just a shit load of trouble that no one wants.

I ALSO know this guy, who's married, and totally loves his wife, but is constantly looking to have sex with this one girl.....they've got this on going thing....they had it before he was dating his wife, while he was dating his wife, and now, after he's married. Sure the guys a dick, and his wife has MAJOR trust issues to begin with, but he's convinced her that she can trust him. And...stupidly, she does.

Privacy is fine. I never said that it wasnt. Hiding things, not always a good thing. I know i've had issues with people hiding things from me. Relationships that had too many lies.....And it hurts. It really hurts. To think that you know someone, and then you find out that they were too insecure to tell you everything, that no matter how close you've become, it doesnt matter, because there's still an entire side of your significant other, possibly more than one, that you didnt know existed, and they never told you, because they thought you didnt need to know it.

Well. For ALL of you out there who hide shit from other people, and think that you're safe....Let me tell you that you arent.....eventually it will come out....And may you get what you deserve when it does.

But I digress....wait, what was this blog about again?? ......Oh ya, being yourself.....It started off with having nothing to say....and ended up here......ADD at it's finest.

I believe that honesty is ALWAYS The best policy. ALWAYS. And I know that my honesty may not always be tactful, but atleast i'm not hiding things. At least i've got no secrets.....It helps me sleep better at night.

Oh...and according to means "Relatively large but unspecified in number"

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