Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Blogger TAG???

Okay...i hate these stupid things, but i've been slacking on my blogging. I'm moving to another city 4 hours away...of COURSE i'm slacking, but plan to resume my regularly blogging schedule once I get settled.

So...a blogger quiz....Petrow Tagged me...thanks sweetie...paybacks a bitch....

7 things I...

Plan to do before I die:
1. Travel the entire world.
2. Adopt a baby from South Africa, South East Asia, or the Middle east...or all three...whatever, i'm not picky...I want a multicultural family...
3. Write a book...it's been "A work in progress" for years...maybe this year, who knows.
4. Have No regrets *so far, to date, at 27, I only have 1*
5. Become an expert in at least ONE subject
6. Find true love
7. Build a house that I love, and never move again

Things I Can Do:
1. Argue you to the point where you forget what you're arguing about.
2. Pay attention to EVERY detail...and use them to my advantage
3. Strike up a converastion with anyone, and make them feel comfortable talking to a complete stranger.
4. Break both your arms in one swift motion *learned from a martial arts expert for self defense purposes*
5. Cook....REALLY cook
6. Be the social convenor of any event...
7. Make the best chocolate martini you'll ever have

Things I Cant Do:
1. Whistle
2. Do a cartwheel
3. Understand anything that has to do with math, or finance
4. Eat red meat or pork...it grosses me out..taste wise
5. Figure out how to turn on, and use, a weed whacker/lawnmower
6. Read ANYTHING that has to do with philosophy...it bores me
7. Stand the sight of REAL blood, and physical pain

Things That I Find Attractive:
1. Strong back, and broad shoulders
2. GOOD teeth and nice smile
3. FAT cheeks...
4. Sense of humor
5. Intellilgence
6. If you're passionate about at least ONE thing
7. 100% Honesty

Things I Say The Most:
1. Whatever
2. Fuck
3. Like
4. Can I ask you a question??
5. Do you remember the time that...*Happy Jenny??*
6. I cant wait to go to bed tonight
7. Ya, but what if?

Celbrity Crushes:
1. John Cusack
2. Jason Statham
3. Johnny Knoxville
4. Morris Chestnut
5. Omar Epps
6. Russell Wong
7. David Beckham

That's it people, should you feel the urge to do the quiz on your own blog, feel free. I refuse to tag anyone...especially since I know how most people HATE these things....bedsides, I have enough enemies.

Thursday, August 25, 2005

...Who's just not into Who?...

Okay, Has anyone heard of that book "He's just not that into you"? The logic behind this book is brilliant, but I dont understand how girls are SO swept up in the "how" of everything.

For all of you guys out there who might stumble upon this blog, let me tell you, girls like ANSWERS. They like to know WHY...ALL..THE...TIME!!! Its probably some interior self consciousness, but I swear to you...the more answers we get...the better. I know what you're thinking..."how come I answer the questions, and sometimes, that gets me in MORE Shit?"...well....to be perfectly honest....girls want you to read our minds...we want you to just know what we want to hear, ALL THE TIME.

Okay, and yes, girls are confusing...because, being a girl, I know that sometimes, even I confuse MYSELF. If i'm fighting with "said" boyfriend, then sometimes I might argue just to be right, even if i've completely forgotten what i'm arguing about to begin with.....he might call me on something that I said, which I remember saying, but now, it's completely contradicting what I'm saying at the moment....ugh...relationships are HARD work.

Girls like to analyze, disect, pick everything apart, to make it make sense...to THEM. Oh, and i'll admit, I'm one of them...I analyze everything to certain death...becuase I want it to make sense to me, in the way that I would have said it myself....and by then, it's so misconstrued....me and "said" boyfriend end up fighting because we just dont get eachother.....

A guy and a girl meet. They have sex for 6 days in a row...and then the guy doesnt call for 2 weeks. Girls want to know WHY...Why did he do that to me...and we Fixate on it. We WANT it to make sense to us...because that's not something we do. We develop emotional connections with people a lot faster than guys do, and we want to know if you're just not that into us...why would you have had sex with us for 6 days and then not call for 2 weeks?

Of course, there are SOME girls who this is fine for....but the majority of the female population, it's just not good.

I was in a relationship...Ha...relationship....well...whatever it was, it was something, 8 years of something.....and 6 years of sleeping together. He treated me like shit, he made me feel horrible about myself...he made me feel guilty about everything that happened, even if I KNEW it wasnt my fault....I spent a LOT of time, and a LOOOOOT of money on someone who was really bad for me....but I kept going back. How could he do that to me? How could he treat me so badly, when i'm such a good person? But...i continually went back, becuase I believe in happy endgins...and I was hoping, to GOD, that maybe one day, he'd realize how good I was for him, and how much I did for him...and that he'd appreciate me. But he never did. I spent COUNTLESS hours, talking about this, and pouring my heart out to my friends....who, after 8 years, hated hearing his name....he just kept suckering me back in...andI dont even know how he did it.

Well, I finally managed to detach myself from him, and block him from my messenger....but one day, I had to reinstall MSN and when I did, my block list was not blocked anymore...and there he was. After MONTHS of not talking to him, he jumps all over me and immediately starts telling me all about the things he's been up to, and what he's doing. And for the 10 minutes we actually talked, do you think ONCE he asked me how I was? No, he didnt. he didnt give a shit and it reminded me why I stopped talking to him in the first place....and i'm done asking questions about him....i just dont care anymore.

Girls have come a long way socially. We can do everything that boys can do...everything....jobs, education, political office, whatever...but when it comes to relationships, something inside of us switches, and we're little girls again...we just want to be loved, and taken care of....protected...

I know, in relationshipds, we are different people, boys and girls...but it's nice to be at least on the same page once in a while.....

The advice I can give to boys: Dont be afraid of us, PLEASE try trusting us...we like you as much as you like us...tell us what you think. I'd rather someone tell me that they dont like me, than lead me on for a month and then never call again. Just be honest. We might not like the answer, but in the long run, honesty really is the best policy. If you only want sex, make sure your intentions are clear, from day one....and if the girl is interested in MORE than sex, then you know to end it...but BE honest about it....dont just have sex, because it's there, and then wonder why the girl is hurt that you never called again. Just tell us the TRUTH, no matter how you think we're going to react. I think most girls would appreciate the honesty, no matter how much it sucks.

The advice I can give to girls: If he dumps you, and gets back together, and then dumps you 4 more times, Dont ask "WHY?". "well why did he call me at 4am to have sex if he didnt like me?" "well how come he did this then?" OR "how come he did that then???" You know why, hes just doenst like you as much as you hope he does, you just dont want to admit it to yourself. And, Asking your girlfriends is worse...if YOU dont know "WHY", how are 4 girls discussing it going to figure it out? If you have questions, ASK HIM.....but of course, dont go MENTAL and boil his bunny trying to figure out....give it some time, and then go back...or forget it. If he wont call you for 2 weeks, after you've just had sex for 6 dys in a row, the only question I have is "WHY DO YOU WANT TO BE WITH SOMEONE LIKE THAT ANYWAY???"

Guys need to be honest. Girls need to relax.

*These opinions are mine, and are conclusions i've come to in MY life...feel free to disagree with them

**I understand the irony of calling us girls, but I did that on purpose.

A MIDNIGHT REVELATION: All I want, is to be wanted....REALLY wanted....not when it's just convenient

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Ouch..That hurts.

So a friend of mine was in a car accident...not today, but recently enought that I can still talk about it as a cautionary tale....

He was driving, in Ottawa, in his Cavalier, or Sunfire....one of those generic cars, that if you get in an accident, it's a write off, becuase you cant ever fix them to drive properly again....So Joey is the type of person that when he stops at the lights, he pulls right up behind you, and I swear you cant see the tires of the person that you're behind.

So he's stopped behind some transport truck, and a car comes flying up behind him and doesnt stop fast enough, and smashes Joeys car, causing him to smash into the transport in front of him....Now, because he's so close to the truck, and the guy from behind hit him so hard, Joeys car got crushed. Thankfully, he's alive, but not unscarred.

Imagine you're driving...the part of the car where your left knee is when you're sitting in the drivers seat was crunched in....and because Joey was sitting there, with his back against the seat, his hips coudnt move back, and with his knee being pushed back with such force, his femur couldnt take it, broke in half, and popped out of the top of his leg....well more like Ripped through the skin....shards of bones...blah blah blah. As far as I know, his body went into shock, and he went unconscious.

Now I know, you're probably wondering what the hell this has to do with anything....Well...to be perfectly honest....I read a comment posted on Natalia's blog, *go read her blog, it's great*...About a motorcycle accident *thanks PopFizz..another awesome blog*....and it made me think of my poor Joey...and it made me think of the things that I am MOST afraid of.....So without further adieu....the list...my biggest fears in life.

1. Bleeding from the eyes - I would think that if you are bleeding...from the EYES....there is soemthing VERY wrong with you, on the inside....I have been trying to think of soemthing to put in this category, but I am at such a loss, that I have NO clue, what would cause you to infact Bleed out of your eyes. I'm interested...if you know.

2. Gangrene - If I have a CUT, you can be sure, that I am immeditaly washing it with soap and water, and then pouring rubbing alcohol all over it, to make sure there are NO germs in it.

3. Compound Fractures - As in the case with Joey, where his femur broke in half and then ripped out of his leg....The THOUGHT of that, makes me shudder. I dont know about you, but I am a firm believer that if my bones are on the outside of my body....it's REALLY going to hurt. I remember being in grade 6, and this kid I have known forever was playing basketball, he jumps up to make a shot, and his forearm hits the rim of the net, and his bone rips out of his wrist....I dont know, but I probably fainted before he did.

4. Burning to death - I am not afraid of death, i'm not afraid to die...i'm sort of curious to see whats after this life....what i'm afraid of, is how it's going to happen. I would LOVE to die in my sleep....just like that, go to bed, and not wake up again. I love my bed, and I love sleeping. What better way to go? If there's any pain, you're sleeping, you dont know. I know how much it hurts when I burn my finger....i cant imagine my entire body....

5. Fish - Yes, i'm afraid of fish...it wasnt an overnight thing either....When I was younger, we used to go to a cottage up north, and my cousin would tell me that there were big fish in the water that would eat my toes off....and of course, this is when I was the only one swimming in the lake...or the time My brother in law asked me to hold his fishing line one day, years later, and of course, a fish bit immediately and I pulled the line out of the water, and asked someone to take the fish off the hook, except it was bleeding, BECAUSE I caught it through the EYEBALL...or when I was 4 and had 2 goldfish that I got for my birthday, who both commit suicide within a week....or the countless nightmares I have about goldfish....Believe me...it's a DEVELOPED fear....there are way more examples.

6. Worms - When I was 2 maybe, I rememebr sitting on the grass in my front yard while my parents did some gardening, I remember it like it was yesterday. I had a blue and red horizontal striped shirt on, with those blue adidas shorts, with the while trim around the edges....and while I was sitting there, a GIGANTIC tomato worm came and crawled on my leg...i've been horrified ever since....and i've never even TOUCHED A worm.

7. The Bear in the Big Blue House - Yes...that stupid puppet bear on tv....that kids show. He's scary...his neck, it looks detached from his body...he's just so big, and wobbly, and looks like he doesnt have a spine..he just CREEPS me out.

They say that the BEST way to overcome fear is to face it head on....well i'm not about to smash my arm on somthing so hard the bones pop out....Or lay in a bathtub full of goldfish....Or watch that Kids tv show....I'm perfectly FINE with my fears to tell you the truth...and as long as i'm never exposed to them...i'm even better.

Monday, August 22, 2005


So it' s my friends boyfriends birthday....and where better to go, to look for a gift, than a sex store?

Now keep in mind that I have only ever been to a store like that 2 times. Another friend of mine used to work in one...and half the shit that was in there, i couldnt figure out. She had to tell me what it was...lol...

I digress...So we go in there, and start looking at all of the stuff that's on the shelves, and let me tell you...I STILL had to read most of the packages, becuase of all of the things we saw, LOOKING at them alone wasnt enough to tell me what they were.

I have NOT been in a store like that since LD quit her job about 5 years ago, and i'll tell you, Sex toys have come a LONG way since then. There was something in there called the "sex swing" Said sex swing was 400 dollars and took up MORE room than a double bed. Where do you set this up when you're "in the mood"? Do you have to build a house in order to accomodate the size of this thing? Do you need an empty room just for "play time?"? Do you have to take all of the furniture out of the living room? Or are you a voyeur, and set it up in the backyard? And...not only does it need to be accomodated when it's set up, but where the hell do you store it when you ARENT using it? I'll admit, it looked kind of fun, but i'm flexy and bendy all on my own...but you know, sex swing? I just dont have the room.....

As we progressed in the store, there were a large variety of the blow up dolls, men AND women...And then just one step away, was a LIFE SIZE female doll...but not a doll, that wierd fleshy material...that feels like melting plastic. Itwas complete with big open mouth, AND pubic hair, that looked like someone cut the pigtails off the Cabbage Patch Kid. It was the WIERDEST thing i'd ever seen, and yet, as I was picking my jaw up off the floor, I was strangely transfixed by it....it was SO realistic, that I thought that whoever could afford it was either REALLY desperate, and didnt want the embarassment of a hooker, OR i s really sad...and lonely...and I felt bad for whoever bought it. It's Not THAT hard to meet someone....

So after we decide that we'd never date someone sho had certain "aquaintence" with any doll, be it realistic OR of the blowup proportion, I suggest a movie...And Let me tell you...i think that it's rather ODD that a sex store has a "back room" for their movies...It's not like they have anything to hide.....I think if you're in a sex store, the reasons you're in there are pretty obvious....

So we laugh, and giggle like school girls at the movies...just because i'm 27 doesnt mean that "Ultimate Taxi Sluts #9" isnt funny anymore...

There was ONE vibrator, that looked like sunken pirate treasure....it was gold lamé , with pearls inside of it that rotated....when I said it looked like pirate booty, I thought my friend was going to pee her pants she was laughing so hard....but it really did. Like something dug up from the Depths of Atlantis itself.

Anyway, we didnt end up getting anything, but i'll tell you, if there was ever a time that I WOULD buy something from a store like that....shopping for it will be an ALL Day adventure.

Saturday, August 20, 2005

A stong Message

This is a picture of G. Bush made of the faces of soldiers who have died during the war. I cant even think of anything witty to say...it's too shocking.

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Antiques Roadshow???

Okay...I'll admit it, today, I watched this show. See I rarely watch TV, and for those of you who know me...YES, I really turned my TV on.

It's amazing to me the crap these people bring onto this show thats not only worth money, but it's worth a LOT of money...like this one woman had this doll, this scraggly raggety looking doll that was REALLY creepy. It was worth 15.000 dollars. FIFTEEN THOUSAND DOLLARS. Honestly, it's something that I probably would have thrown away....

The Antiques Roadshow taught me 2 things.

1. It ENCOURAGES people to be packrats. I am by no means, of the definition, a packrat, I donate everything, or throw it away. If I havent used it in a year, i'll never use it again. But now that i'm thinking of all of the things that i've gotten rid of...could any of it have been worth anything? I highly doubt it, but still...you never know.....LOL...the Mantra of the pack rat...."YOU NEVER KNOW". Please, if I was stupid enough to throw something away that was worth 15.000 dollars, then I'm too stupid to deserve the money.

2. It teaches us to reevaluate EVERYTHING that we see out there, wherever you might find yourself....it has people searching through yard sales like they're digging for gold. Allow me to remind you that a lot of people watch this show, and the people that watch it, watch it RELIGIOUSLY....the people that love it, REALLY LOVE IT. And they all watch it, and watch eachother....they eyeball eachother at antique stores...they skulk around the stores...sneaking around watching to see what other people are buying or trading in, thinking "Maybe that's worth something"...these are the people that make my day. These are the people that are looking for the needle in the haystack....the thing that's going to make them rich beyond their wildest dreams.....

I wonder what crap we own, in this generation, is going to be worth something one day...like REALLY worth something. Furbies? Beanie Babies? X Box? Happy Meal Toys? Garden Gnomes?....I know I dont have any of that crap, i'm not a collector by nature....but I think I have some oven mits that might be vintage...

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Blog Spam

Today...is the FIRST day I have been hit by blog spam....and for all you blog spammers out there, let me be the FIRST to tell you...If there is to be ANY financial gain from this blog, it is going to be Mine.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Shopping for binders was never so much fun...

So i'm at Wal Mart earlier, I had to pick some stuff up. *I'm SORRY Jenny...yes, I still shop at Wal Mart* It's back to school shopping time, and since i'm going back to school...it's a given. However, as I'm wandering the aisles, I begin to notice the other people around me, and the strange things they are doing.

Like for example, this one woman is muttering incessantly to herself about binders. Looking desperately for a 2 inch binder amidst the display. And since i'm enjoying the craziness, I put my shopping on hold to stay and watch the show.

I doubt she has noticed me, because she hasnt stopped talking to herself, OR adjusted her voice tone. Although....she was So involved in looking for her 2 inch binder, that I highly doubt she would have noticed if a stampede of wild elephants ran through the store.

So she's rummaging through the shelf...like a kid who's rummaging through their Halloween candy looking for something really good. She's talking about 1 and a half inch binders, and how that's not what she needs...she needs a 2 inch binder which are ONE display over, however, her rambling sounded something like this "...not 1 and a half inch.....2 inch.....not 6 bucks...come on where are they?"

Of course, the 2 inch binder shelf had all the 2 inch binders you could ever possibly want, but what I gathered from her conversation with herself, was that she was NOT going to pay 6 dollars for a 2 inch binder, and rightly so, neither would I...but i'm pretty quiet about it.

After at LEAST 5 minutes...that's right, I watched for 5 minutes, and I'll admit it, I had nothing better to do, she finally stops, takes a step back, puts her hands on her hips and looks down the aisle, and says "They dont have any, I cant fucking believe this"

This is the point in time when she looks the other direction down the aisle *the direction i'm standing in* and she finally notices me....of course I try to look busy, like havent been watching her for the last 5 minutes, and she doesnt say anything, but she glares at me....And she gives me the "slit eye"....you know that look, that evil look where you narrow your eyes...I INVENTED that look...and she turns on her feet and storms away.

I got a GOOD kick out of it, but she knew for sure that I was watching her, I didnt do a very good job of being convincing that I was looking in the same aisle for something.....I didnt end up buying anything, but she definitely gave me something to blog about.

Monday, August 15, 2005

Breaking the Toga Record Part 2

Port party sets toga world record

By Don Fraser Local News - Monday, August 15, 2005 @ 01:00

A historic port town — divided in recent months by a proposed tower development — had reason to celebrate as one on Sunday. The night before, Port Dalhousie had transformed into a giant fraternity party. At least 3,000 people and assorted pets donned togas, wreaths and eye-popping accessories to create what organizers say was the world’s largest toga party. Togas and the cries of “toga, toga, toga” dominated the dozen bars and restaurants that participated in the much-hyped attempt at a Guinness world record. Togas were so much the rule, that to be dressed in boring civilian clothes risked ridicule. “Tonight, it’s sort of like ‘Go toga or go home,’ ” said Chris Course, 20, of Fonthill. Course was standing with a group of friends at the foot of Hogan’s Alley; none were wearing the ancient Greek garb. “Boy, do I feel really out of place,” said Course, tapping his foot. “We’ve been just criticized for not wearing them,” Milica Petkovic added in a grumbling tone.


Saturday, August 13, 2005

Breaking the Toga Record Part 1

It has come to my attention that TONIGHT, Guiness Book of World Records is going to be in Port Dalhousie to see if we've broken the world record for most togaers in one area. LOL

Of COURSE all 12 bars in port are going to be involved, and it's going to be a hell of a time.

Me, A and T have spent ALL afternoon picking out our togas.....and seeing as my family owns a clothing manufactoring business, coming across material was the Easiest part. However, with such a gigantic selection, picking out which one was best suited to ourselves, proved to be the most impossible task. However, after 2 greuling hours, we've all managed to find our togas.
A is going in traditional pink, T is going in his camoflauge toga, and is covinced we're going to lose him *get it, camoflauge....we didnt laugh either*, and i'm going in Denim...not CONVENTIONAL denim, but a sort of denim material...

It's going to be AWESOME, and I totally CANT wait. I guess they're doing the count tonight at 12:30, and are going to have the results by 1am....counting over 2000 people is going to take a bit I suppose.

It's going to be great, and I cant wait.....Oh how much drinking are we going to do tonight. I'll be back tomorrow with results. Keep your fingers crossed people. St. Catharines needs to be remembered for something OTHER than a serial killer.

Friday, August 12, 2005

In the Jungle, the Mighty Jungle the Lion Sleeps Tonight...

Who's ALREADY singing that dreadful Lion song?

I was reading someone else's blog, and it mentioned something about a mighty lion....*dont ask* and of course, this song pops up in my head. And WHY should I be the only one who's tortured by it. Fuck no. Enough people read this blog, i'll spread the love around. LOL!!!

And what kind of bitch would I be, if I didnt put the lyrics down here for you....the song title isnt good enough kiddies....happy singing

1. In the Jungle, the mighty jungle the lion sleeps tonight a-weem-a-way, a-weem-a-way, a-weem-a-way, a-weem-a-way

2. The Fraggle Rock Theme Song...trust me on this one....Dance your cares away *clap clap* worries for another day, let the music play *clap clap* down in Fraggle Rock.

3. It's a world of laughter a world of tears, it's a world of hope and a world of fears, there's so much that we share that it's time we're aware it's a small world after all....EVERBODY...It's a small world after all....it's a small world after all.....

4. Gimme a Break Gimme a Break, break me off a piece of that Kit Kat bar

5. Who let the dogs out Who who who who...who let the dogs out....

6. My Sherona *the TITLE is bad enough, it's the only words I know from the entire song, but they're annoying enough to stick in your head by themselves*

7. Don't tell my heart, my ACHY BREAKY heart...i just dont think it'd understand, but if you tell my heart, my achy breaky heart, it might blow up and kill this man

8. Hey Mickey you're so fine, you're so fine you blow my mind Hey Mickey

9. Jingle Bells Jingle Bells jingle all the way....oh what fun it is to ride in a one horse open sleigh HEY

10. This is the song that never ends, it just goes on and on my friends...some people started singing it not knowing what it was, and they'll continue singing it forever just because this is the song that never ends, it just goes on and on my friends......

11. It was a one-eyed, one-horned flying purple people eater, one-eyed, one-horned flying purple people eater, one-eyed, one-horned flying pruple people eater, sure looked strange to me

12. Menah Menah do do dodo do Menah Menah do dodo dodo Menah Menah do do dodo dodo dodo dah dah dah dah dah dat da *it's from the Muppets, go find it yourself if you cant remember*

13. The Chicken Dance *You ALL know the song, and there's NO way i'm trying to figure out how to spell the lyrics...*

14. I'm a little teapot short and stout, here is my handle here is my spout. When I get all steamed up hear me shout, tip me over and pour me out

15. Skinnamarinkydinkydink Skinnamarinkydoo I Love You...I love you in the evening and in the afternoon, I love you in the evening and underneath the moon...Skinnamarinkydinydink, skinnamarinky doo...i love you

16. 99 bottles of beer on the wall 99 bottles of beer, you take one down and pass it around, 98 bottles of beer on the wall...98 bottles of beer on the wall 98 bottles of beer......

Thursday, August 11, 2005

Demons to Some....Angels to Others: Part 4

8. Original Scares

Now this category is a BIG one, but i'm going to only put a couple of mentionable things in it. There are a LARGE number of shitty horror movies, that have one scene, that really grabs you. It's never been done before, It's completely original, and because it's brand spanking new, it's scary....Horror is the definitive copy cat game.....Valentine=Halloween, House of 1000 Corpses=Texas Chainsaw Massacre...Okay okay, Scream, Halloween, Friday the 13th....They're all the man in the mask slasher flicks, but each one is original in it's own right. Scream was the FIRST horror movie to ever have 2 killers. Original...See? So for all intents and purposes, this is going to be a short category, of full movies, or scenes worth mentioning....there are WAY too many, and this category only scratches the surface.

Saw - Reality challenge meets horror movie/gore fest. Sure this movie had shitty acting, but the idea behind it was brilliant. A killer who doesn't kill. A sociopath who punishes you for your crimes against yourself.....He teaches you to appreciate the life that you're throwing away...Because if he catches you, chances are....you're life is just about over. Only if you are a REAL fan of horror movies, will you ever appreciate the originality of this movie....

House on Haunted Hill - I can already hear the "booing". I know, this movie SUCKS. HOWEVER, there is one amazing scene. Bridgette Wilson is walking around the house with a video camera, and she comes into a room where they used to do surgery. When your eyes survey the room, there is nothing there, but through the video camera, she can see the ghosts of old doctors performing surgery. And as she watches, they stop surgery, and turn their heads to look right at her. While off the camera, she still cant see anything. And then of course they kill her....even though they weren't there

The Ring - Creepy for many reasons. That nightmare video, that voice on the phone, the girl in the mental institution who takes Naomi Watts' hand on the table and puts out four of her fingers *HOW DID SHE KNOW THERE WERE ONLY 4 DAYS LEFT???*, the fast clip of the dead girl in the closet, and that girls who climbs out of the TV. I saw this movie at the theater, and have never been to a movie where the audience is actually screaming out loud. Even the guys were "OH MY GODing" louder than most. I went with my cousin, and she was clamped onto my arm so tight that I had finger marks on my hand. She also told me that she didn't sleep until 6am the next day. I bought this movie, and have only ever watched it once...In the daytime, with all the lights on.

Shallow Grave - If you have YET to see this movie. GO GO GO...Stop reading this blog and get to your friendly neighborhood movie rental place and SEE it. This is AMAZING. The movie is comprised of a mishmash of horror scares/gross out/edge of your seat nail biting suspense. The movie isn't SO bad, although, I'll FULLY admit to watching parts of it through the cracks in my fingers...The scene where they cut up the dead body, is phenomenal! The first of any movie I've seen to be so descriptive, and experimental in this morbid fashion.

Child's Play - A movie about a not so scary doll terrorizing his owner and family. Bah, I could pass on this movie....HOWEVER, the movie takes an unexpected turn in originality when Andy is not in the apartment, but Chucky is. Andy's mother picks up the box to throw it away, and as she's looking at it, the batteries fall out, and she realizes everything that's been going on is real.

Boogeyman - Alright Alright...Another horrendous movie...Although, I think one really intense scene is when the main character is in the hotel room with that girl, and his friend is at the house searching for him. The movie clips back and forth from the hotel to the house, and as Tim is in the hotel, he notices the closet, goes inside, and, as his friend is looking for him in his house, we follow him while he's inside of the closet of the hotel room. However, as the mood intensifies, Tim pops out of a closet just as his friend opens it, in his own house. WEIRD. I thought so *I've described it horribly here, but it's a fantastic intense part of the movie*

Exorcist 3 - Mental hospital....Creepy mental hostpital...and as the tension mounts, towards the end of the movie, the camera pans back, and you can see the patients crawling *like baby crawl* across the ceiling upside down....It fucking creeped the shit out of me...especially when I worked in a mental institution, don't think this thought didn't cross my mind

9. The Grossest of the Gross
*The parts of movies, that STILL make my skin crawl...I know i've left some out...forgive me*

Saw - Towards the end of the movie Dr. Gordon cuts the lower half of his leg off....the sound is sickening

Dawn of the Dead *original* - The scene in the mall, when the bikers crash through the glass on their bikes. One of these bad boys gets pulled off his moving bike by the Zombies, the rip his stomach open and eat his intestines while he is still living. It looks VERY convincing...and is still considered one of the sickest movie scenes of all time.

Stir of Echoes - When Kevin Bacon is seeing what the girl went through, during the rape flashback, she's clawing at the floor, and as she's trying to get away, her pinkie nail rips right off her finger....The THOUGHT of this scene has reminded me why i'll never watch this movie ever again. It's not SO bad, but I know the pain associated with ripping nails off....OUCH

Pet Cemetery - Towards the end of the movie, Gage is hiding under the bed while Mr. Crandall is looking for him. Gage has the scalpel and slices Crandall's Achilles tendon....Yuck....Because of this scene, any movie that has anything to do with a scalpel, hurts me....deeply.

Misery - Hobbling...enough said.

Friday the 13th Part 4 - The end scene Jason's head lands on his machete, and the handle hits the floor standing straight up....subsequently making Jason's head slide slowly down the blade, leaving pieces of "whatever" on the blade of his machete.

Thats it people, I don't know what else I could POSSIBLY say about horror movies.....So until the urge strikes me again when I see a phenomenal movie that you should all know about...this is it. Don't take anything for granted....because the next time you see someone in disguise...think about how many people they killed before you saw them....and whether or not you're next.

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Demons to Some...Angels to Others: Part 3

I have received emails about this post. *I dont know WHY they wouldnt leave comments, but they emailed me instead*...For all of you, who've asked me why i've left certain movies out, I'm SORRY, this is an ongoing series....You're going to have to be patient....And as for the movies, THINK of how many horror movies that are out there. I'm not making a dissertation of every horror movie ever made you know. This is my blog, i'm posting about the movies I like. If you want to write about the horror movies that you like, get your own blog...and if you have your own blog, then go write about the Shining on your own page. It wont show up on this one, I hated that movie.

And now...back to our regularly scheduled programming.

6. Scream

My all time favorite series of horror movies. These are FUN. Fun scares, fun screams, and just general good times had by all. This is the ULTIMATE horror movie. It has everything...It's got a wonderfully suspensy "who done it" ending, it's got a load of laughs, it's got pop out at you scares, it's got really tense moments, and it's got GREAT twists. And please give credit where credit is due people, this movie was written in less than a weekend. So...for a movie of this caliber to be written inside of 72 hours, I'd say that's pretty amazing.

This movie is of the nail biting genre. You KNOW something crazy is going to happen, you're just not too sure when. This movie has us on the edge of our seats, in crazy anticipation, lightens the mood, makes us laugh and lets us relax, but only for a minute, until someone pops out from a closet, and intensifies the mood once again. Think of the scene in the first Scream, where those two kids are expelled for wearing the mask in school. The camera goes into the hallway where "Wes Craven" is dressed up like Freddy from NOES. Thats FUNNY, our nerves settle, the principal goes back into the office, puts the mask on himself....we relax a little more, we're having fun...And then BAM, someone jumps out, and he's dead.....So much for letting us catch our breath! Fun Fun Fun...I LOVE these movies.

7. Ghosty Scares

Ghost Stories, in my opnion...IN MY OPINION (feel free to disagree), can be lumped into one category. These films scare us becuase we KNOW there's something there, opening doors, rocking chairs, making noise, but we cant see what. This is fear of the unseen, the REAL unseen.

No one alive, unless you're Sylvia Browne, Dionne Warwick or Jo Jo's Psychic Alliance, knows what life after death is like. We dont know where we go, we dont know what happens to us....it's scary becuase right now, right this very second, there might be a ghost behind you. You dont know. *who out there got shivers up their spine when they read that?*

"Amityville", "The Others", "Sixth Sense" "The Exorcist" "The Changling" etc. etc..etc....these movies scare us because its something in our home, that we cant identify. We cant SEE what we're afraid of, and in that instance, our senses are heightened, because the unidentifed source of scariness can be an inch away from us the entire time, and we dont know it. Although in the Exorcist, we can see poor Regan is possessed by something, devil, demon, whatever. But where did this thing come from? What the hell is it? We start to hear extra creaks in the house, we look for things to be afraid of. Our imaginations run wild....and because of these movies, we create more fear for ourselves.

.....yet again....until tomorrow...

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Demons to Some...Angels to Others: Part 2

The saga continues...

3. Carrie

This is, and always will be, the scariest movie i've ever seen. I know I know, it's totally campy and wickedly cliche, but THIS was the first horror movie that I ever saw. This is the first movie that ever scared me, and will therefore be the scariest movie i've ever seen.

This movie has a lot of great elements that are horrifying. The whole telekenesis thing, it freaks me out a little. It's all great and fun to be able to move things with your mind, when it's YOU who's doing it. When it's someone else, it's scary....because if you can harness your own brain power to do such things, you might not understand it, but it's COOL. When someone else does it, you cant control the things that they use it for *school burning, car flipping* and it's scary, becuase NOW it can be used against you.

And of course, WHO could forget that ending. Piper Laurie....left strung across the archway of her kitchen door in typical "Jesus on the cross" fashion, complete with open eyes. CREEPY!!! That made my skin almost crawl right off my body.....and then When Carrie has to pull her off the door frames because the house is burning down. OH MY GOD, the way that knife ripped through her wrist....STILL Makes me close my eyes when the movie is on.

4. Candyman

THIS MOVIE MADE ME AFRAID TO GO PEE WITH THE DOOR CLOSED. This movie scared me to death. And yes, i'll fully admit it, I was afraid to look in mirrors, I was afraid to go into public bathrooms, and I was afraid to go to the bathroom and close the door. This movie made me afraid of the dark.

This movie had everything. It had suspense, it had blood, and a LOT of it, it had gore....EXCEPTIONALLY gory scenes. This movie had scare written ALL over it, and all beacuse of a myth, an "Urban legend", that really wasnt so legend after all.

Poor Virgina Madsen.....everyone thinks she's going crazy....and she even winds up in a mental institution....until good old Candyman saves the day, and takes his hook and rips it up the spine of her doctor. And that noise...OH MY GOD, THAT SICKENING NOISE....it hurts my ears....because it's what I would EXPECT someone ripping my spine out would sound like. That's the sound that sends shivers all over my existance, and gives me goose bumps from head to toe.

5. Jaws

The only reason Jaws has terrified audiences for YEARS is because when you're in the ocean, you dont know what's there...lurking.....swimming....faster than you can. Ugh, the THOUGHT of being in the ocean floating around, and something brushes against my leg...YA RIGHT. You'll never catch me out there. EVER.

Imagine being under the surface of the water...swimming along merrily, taking pictures with your trusty underwater camera...and after a few minutes, a shape will appear along the edge of visibility, out in the distance. At first, it is just a dark shadow, but within seconds the shadow begins to take shape....and all you can do is hope to god, it keeps on going.

Jaws plays on the fact that of the 70 percent of ocean that covers the planet, we've journeyed through 5% of 70. And of that 5%, we've only journeyed through 5% of that. Think of how much is out there....

Until tomorrow...again.

Monday, August 08, 2005

Demons to Some...Angels to Others

Give me Michael Myers, give me Leatherface, give me an axe weilding maniac on a blood thirsty hunt. I LOVE horror movies. I know, I know, the mind reels that the "Princess of Pessimism" actually LOVES something, but it's true....I LOVE them. Like the kind of love you have for your favorite song, the one that sounds like the artist wrote it just for you....or the kind of love you have for your new puppy. Oh yes, as sick and twisted as it may be....this is the kind of love I have.

What is it, you ask, that is so fascinating about the horror genre to me? WELL...let me tell you, there's nothing better than waking up sunday morning, to lay in bed at 10:00am, and watch "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre". There's intriuge, there's fear, there's blood, a lot of it, and there's just that skin crawling, spine tingling sensation that you get when you watch a man pick up a screaming woman, and put her on a meat hook. LOL...

Now I KNOW this sounds morbid, I know that already...but lets face it, horror isnt supposed to be anything BUT morbid. Horror isnt nice, it's not fun or laughable, it's supposed to scare the hell out of you. Any movie that makes me afraid to go to sleep at night is on the top of my favorites list....any movie that makes me think "Uhh....what if?" is fantastic.

Now presuming that you, my faithful readers *all 5 of you*, all live in the same world that I do, know that there's some pretty fucked up shit going on out there, and horror movies say, and show us everything that we never want to see in real life. Horror movies make us feel better about the life that WE lead daily. As boring as your job might be, and as much as you might dispise your sisters boyfriend...at least you arent running, screaming for your life from a man in a mask who wants you dead.

And NO, i'm not talking about those stupid Sci-Fi horror movies *although I LOVE "Alien"*...I mean the ones that could really possibly happen in real life. Halloween, Friday the 13th, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Devil's Rejects, Silence of the Lambs.....you know the one's i'm talking about. The movies that COULD be based on some realm of truth, because you know, that as insane as you are sometimes, there's always someone out there, who's JUST that much more crazy than you.

So, without further adieu, here comes the list, the first of a multi part series. *lets be real, to list them all in the same, would be the longest blog in history*

1. Halloween
Scary...VERY scary...not only becuase it's edge of your seat, make you jump out of your skin kind of scary, but psychologically scary as well. Here's a man, in a mask *and by the way, I KNOW someone who owns one of the three masks used in the original production..it's scarier in person*....but I digress. Here's a man, in a mask, who's just hunting. He's unstopable...he's mean, he's scary, he stalks. He waits quietly for his victims, sneaks around, makes you think you're safe, and just when you do, there he is, in all of his finest glory, to stab, strangle, or choke you with a phone cord. He's coming....he's on a rampage, and no matter WHAT you do, there's nothing you can do to stop him. No matter how far you run, there he is...waiting....again.

You know, when I was in university, I was sitting down, in my house, with my room mates out for the night, around the end of October * I know becuase it was midterms*....I have all the lights on, and my window open. Never until this moment was I ever afraid of this movie. So i'm sitting at my computer, and I hear the leaves rustle across the driveway from my window, which was on the main floor, and I whipped my head around, and the only thing I could think...was "Michael". I got SO freaked out, closed my window, AND the blinds and made sure all the other windows were closed and doors locked.

This is a great movie, becuase it plays on emotional security. You might THINK you're okay, but you never know who's around the corner waiting for you. This is what this movie teaches us. It teaches us to be afraid. It teaches us that we are never safe...no matter how many doors you lock, or precautions you take. There's always that slim chance....just maybe you left the bathroom window open, just maybe it was you who forgot to turn your garage light off....just maybe....LOL.

Best scene in the movie? Well the entire movie is fantastic....but imagine, you've just had sex, with your boyfriend, and when he gets back, you think it's him, but really, he's dead, and it's a psycho killer underneath a sheet pretending to be a ghost, seeing as it's Halloween and all. Unknowing....completely unknowing. You're life is about to end...and you have NO clue. You trust too much...you take everything for grantid....Matters of consequence my dear readers....matters of consequence.

Suspend all thoughts of reality....and throw yourself into a world, where psychiatric hospitals, have lax security...As if that isnt scary enough already.

2. Silence of the Lambs
What can I POSSIBLY say about this movie.....this movie is one of the WORST for fear...I mean REAL fear. This character, Buffalo Bill...is a composition character....based on three of the most horrendous killers, REAL killers, of all time.

1. Ed Gein...the old hunter who used to "catch" his victims, gut them and skin them.

2. Gary Heidnick...the man who used to keep his kidnapped victims in a pit in his basement.

3. Ted Bundy...who used to wear casts, or pretend to be injured in some way, te get his victims to help him, and into his van.

These people were REAL. They really REALLY did some serious fucked up shit.....Silence of the lambs....it's terrifying, because it's something that we've all read about in the newspaper. We've all heard of someone who's been kidnapped, and I cant IMAGINE...I cant even BEGIN to imagine the hell that exists on the other side of crazy. This movie hits close to home, this is the movie that makes you double check your doors at night....This is the movie that makes you hug your significant other tighter before you go your seperate ways every day.....This is the movie that doesnt seem so much a movie.

Until tomorrow.....

Saturday, August 06, 2005

Taste of the Toronto Parking Authority

So I decided to go to the Taste of the Danforth. Big Al calls me up and is like "Come on Down!!!" In typical "Price is Right" fashion.

And for all of you who dont live in, or near, the GTA, Taste of the Danforth is sort of a mishmash of ethnic yum booths, in Greek Town....however, that really doesnt explain it, so if you're interested go read the link. http://www.tasteofthedanforth.com/

Anyway, we're there, and had some serious greek food while taking in the sights. And then I get back to Big Al's place, hang out for a couple of hours, and get ready to take off. I get to my car, and believe it or not, there's a 30$ parking ticket. THRITY DOLLARS. Needless to say I was extremely aggitated.

When you go to T.O.....the general rule, in parking, is that if you're staying at someone's apartment, they have to let you inside to park, you just cant park in someone's apartment building, it's gated entry. There's NO way to get into an underground parking lot unless the person who lives there, lets you in.

So I get a ticket in an underground lot when the rule *according to Al* is, only call in your guests license plate if they're staying overnight. I, on the other hand, was there for 45 mintues, and got a parking ticket. AND of course, cant renew my plates unless I pay my ticket.

I hate the Toronto parking authority.

Friday, August 05, 2005

Bears In Politics

I'm ALREADY upset.

Think of the most upsetting thing in your life. Think of the subject that makes you SO mad you just want to rip your skin off with your fingernails, and when that's not enough, pull out every vein and muscle, because the PAIN which you are inflicting on yourself, MIGHT take away the pain and anger from that subject.

That is how I feel about Said subject. "Bears In Politics"...OH MY GOD, Just looking at that makes me SO angry. And yes, every problem in life can be deduced into a mental illness. LOL

This is the button my friends push when I'm teasing them, or starting a serious debate, and winning, or just for fun. This is the button that WORKS. I HATE this button, and I dont know why I'm giving it to you all as ammunition, but it's something that, at long last, I feel the need to explain. And like I said, this is therapy for the financially challeneged....So here goes.

Bears in politics starts with the Muppets. *It even SOUNDS stupid* But it's the truth. It all begins, sigh, with the Muppets.

Now dont get me wrong, I LOVE the Muppets. They may be the only movies I'll watch with singing....OHHHH I HATE MOVIES WITH SINGING, but that's another blog. I loved the show, I own all the movies....And I know the concept behind the muppets, people and puppets living happily amongst eachother...Utopia. And that doesnt bother me, I'm all for it. HOWEVER, I feel, that there are certain limitations to my acceptance. This is where Bears In Politics fits in.

In the movie, Muppets from Space, there exists a secret government agency *I can feel myself getting angry again* in which they are trying to discover alien life form. A sort of "Roswell" of the Muppet world I imagine. And within this organization, exists a bear, A BEAR WHO WEARS A SUIT, Oh my god, I'm so upset....And this bear works along side these government officals.

Now I UNDERSTAND the rediculousness of it all, and understand that it's all supposed to be in good fun, BUT HOW did a BEAR climb through the ranks of governemnt to GET such a job? I just dont get it, I DONT GET IT. I can seperate reality from movies, but the idea behind the movies is that you're supposed to suspend all thoughts of reality, and believe that this made up world really exists. SO IN THAT INSTANCE, this bear really has a job at a sercret government agency, and that stresses me out. It hurts my feelings.

I dont know where this comes from, and I dont know why I feel so strongly about it, I just do. I HATE that bear....and i'm sorry, but I do. And if that makes me Anti bears in suits, then i'll have to live with it. I can live HAPPILY knowing that I hate bears in government jobs, and bears that wear suits. *within the muppet world that is, I'm not really THAT crazy* But this is it. This is really it. There's no flashy lights or huge debate, I just hate the idea of bears in politics. OH MY GOD...I HATE IT.....can you IMAGINE ever VOTING a bear into office? A BEAR AS PRESIDENT, What do you think their campain would be? A walking talking bear, living in the White House, as president of the coutry. A BEAR. IN POLITICS. I HATE THAT. Would he be married? *which would mean that he GOT married to begin with....funny because the thought of a bear in a wedding dress doesnt bother me at all. Neither does the thought of a bear in a tuxedo.....but put those bears in a political environment....UGH.

I cant even do this anymore....I cant, i'm too aggitated, but for all of you who KNOW me, be proud, because THIS is the only time i'll ever talk about it. EVER.

I always say...well let me rephrase, IF by some miracle I dont go to hell, and make it to the pearly gates, because of this, "bears in politics", GOD will be a muppet. I'm SURE Of it, and then i'm fucked.

Thursday, August 04, 2005

The worst case of ADD this side of Dr. Daniel Amen

I wish you knew how many times i've tried to sit down at this computer and blog about something....ANYTHING. And after sitting here, for the umpteenth time *I like that word umpteenth, I wonder what number it represents*....i've got nothing, but bitching about how I cant write about anything.

So last night I went to a bar, for drinks with my LD, because of New York City, the 80's Prom, and LD's new promotion. And so we're sitting there.....talking about everything as per usual. And there's this bunch of kids, sitting in the corner of the patio, and as time goes on, their group keeps multiplying. It started off with like 4 people, and by the time we left must have been like 12 at least....And as the Tequila flowed freely, they started talking louder...becuase, as anyone who's ever gone to a patio bar on a Wednesday night 10:00pm knows, the noise levels are unbearable.

So they started telling these jokes, like offensive gay jokes, like totally UN P.C. jokes.....And i'm not gay, but I have a lot of friends who are.....and I hate that bullshit. For all of you who are too insecure with your own sexuality....it isnt funny to make fun of gay people. The people that I know who are gay, are more comfortable and secure with themselves than anyone i've ever known. They arent afraid to be themselves, and in a society that STILL isnt 100% pro-gay, i'd say that it takes a load of courage to be able to admit who you are....who you REALLY are *not just who you pretend to be*, and be proud of it.

I know it's difficult to let someone know everything about you. It's EXTREMELY disconcerting, because it makes you vulderable....really vulnerable....and god forbid that after you tell them all of your wretched secrets, they dont accept you....But thats the chance you take, in establishing ADULT relationships....letting yourself be vulnerable to someone else.....and then I think of my friends who are gay....not only are they vulnerable in a relationship with someone they care about...telling them personal details of their lives, but when they come out, they're vulnerable to everyone, they're vulnerable to discrimination, they're vulnerable to society.....THAT takes a lot of strength....they arent afraid to be who they are.

I live by the fact that no matter how much you know someone, as close are you are, you NEVER really know them. Ever. You could be married for 20 years, and then be cleaning out your closet one day, and come across some old love letters written to your husband by his old gay lover. And then what happens? Are you mad because he lied, and hid that from you? OF COURSE YOU ARE.....and then if you question it, he gets mad, and defensive, and insecure.....and it's just a shit load of trouble that no one wants.

I ALSO know this guy, who's married, and totally loves his wife, but is constantly looking to have sex with this one girl.....they've got this on going thing....they had it before he was dating his wife, while he was dating his wife, and now, after he's married. Sure the guys a dick, and his wife has MAJOR trust issues to begin with, but he's convinced her that she can trust him. And...stupidly, she does.

Privacy is fine. I never said that it wasnt. Hiding things, not always a good thing. I know i've had issues with people hiding things from me. Relationships that had too many lies.....And it hurts. It really hurts. To think that you know someone, and then you find out that they were too insecure to tell you everything, that no matter how close you've become, it doesnt matter, because there's still an entire side of your significant other, possibly more than one, that you didnt know existed, and they never told you, because they thought you didnt need to know it.

Well. For ALL of you out there who hide shit from other people, and think that you're safe....Let me tell you that you arent.....eventually it will come out....And may you get what you deserve when it does.

But I digress....wait, what was this blog about again?? ......Oh ya, being yourself.....It started off with having nothing to say....and ended up here......ADD at it's finest.

I believe that honesty is ALWAYS The best policy. ALWAYS. And I know that my honesty may not always be tactful, but atleast i'm not hiding things. At least i've got no secrets.....It helps me sleep better at night.

Oh...and according to Dictionary.com....Umpteenth means "Relatively large but unspecified in number"

Monday, August 01, 2005


The long weekend is upon us here in Canada....well it's just about over, but you know, I can live knowing that I took FULL advantage of this years civic Holiday.

*you know, I honestly dont know what this holiday was for, and when I Googled it, I came across the Canadian/American holidays for 2005, and they didnt seem to know either. This is where I came up with Civic Holiday. If they dont have to call this long weekend anything...well then Neither do I!!!....

(Oh ya, there's one more thing I learned from this website)

Stupidly, as a country, we've been celebrating Rememberance Day....but according to this calendar, Rememberance Day only exists in Alberta.

http://www.vpcalendar.net/Holiday_Dates/2000_2005.html (its alphabetical order)

Why should Alberta get their OWN holiday? And isnt Rememberance Day about veterans?....Is that where they shipped them all after the war?...Oh well, it's in Alberta, AND according to this website, Alberta has been the sole proprietor of RD the past few years.

*insert....Pessimism 101
This is what's known as "Ammunition" in the fighting world....so when November 11th comes this year and you dont have a poppy, or you start screaming during the minute of silence, Or boo and hiss the veretans in your local parade....This is what you tell them, and you send them here, to click the link to get the truth. We're not IN Alberta!

I Digress. So for all you people in Canada, who've lost someone near and dear to you, which coincides with RD...we here at "Pessimism Inc."© CARE about your loss, and offer you our deepest condolences, However....take it up with Alberta. We WANT to celebrate, lets get a petition started, and send it to the government over there.....those greedy bastards in Alberta.....and if I KNEW how to start a petition, and add the link to this page, I WOULD do it!

UGH, I came on here to talk about my long weekend, and THIS is what happens.....the stupidities that make my life worth living....

Happy Rememberance Day Alberta!